[Chris O'Carroll]

No 4219

Set by J Seery
We asked for a regular item in the New Statesman guest-written by the editor of any other publication of your choice.

This week’s winners
Well done. We were sorry to lose “In the Red” by Richard Ingrams, editor of The Oldie (from Michael Berry) and “The Fan” by the editor of The Lady (from Mike Berry). Both were very funny, although Berry’s lost out when it mentioned the editor’s “husband”, the Third Baronet. The Lady’s editor is, of course, Matt Warren, formerly of the Daily Mail, and before him it was Rachel Johnson (now editor-in-chief), sister of darling Boris. Neither of them, we predict, would refer in a bewildered tone to a hot dog as “some sort of sausage in an elongated bun”. The four winners get £25 each, with the Tesco vouchers going, in addition, to Bill Greenwell.

The editor of Woman and Home writes “Commons Confidential”
Punchy prints in bright colours are this year’s fashion statement! Theresa May shares her fashion secrets on p54. Our exclusive pattern offer means you, too, can look fabulous in that patchwork jacket!
Time for action! David “We’re All in This Together” Cameron has shown that riding is not just for the elite. Do you have a close friend who can lend you a horse? Choose a mount that is reliable, a good hacker – and enjoy the great outdoors!
Calm Down, Dear is the new selfhelp book from Nadine Dorries and Angela Eagle, a must-read for women coping with those hormonal mood swings that can leave us all feeling so frustrated.
Keep our children safe!
More mums are joining the “Community Speedwatch” in Fair Oak and Horton Heath, monitoring speeding traffic and pressing for prosecutions. With support, of course, from their local MP, Chris Huhne.
Sylvia Fairley

The editor of Darts Monthly writes the “This week’s winners” competition report
Basil Ransome-Davies had a dramatic 5-4 victory over ace Bill Greenwell to snatch this week’s Tesco championship, despite the winner’s wrist suffering an injury after his 150-darter in February. The veteran ace earns £25 with a guaranteed sponsor’s bonus. Adrian Fry came from behind against Chris O’Carroll throwing for the bull. It finds Ransome-Davies top of the leader board, ahead of ace David Silverman who scored 4-2-1-9. Sid Field missed three chances at double 16 as Basil slipped in to score double 18 for the triumph. “It feels good beating Bill after what happened last week,” said the winner. “He could have won this comp but he missed a couple of double and treble entendres there and I took my chances. My aim is to keep ahead of the pack and so far this year my hit rate is good.” Katie Mallett earns an honourable mention for just missing out.
John O’Byrne

The editor of Dogs Monthly writes “The Returning Officer”
Joseph Pointer was Sheffield’s first Labour MP, after narrowly winning a 1909 by-election in Attercliffe. He held on during both 1910 elections, but died in 1914, shortly after being appointed a whip. Sir Robert John Collie, a medical and military man, held Glasgow Partick as a National Liberal during the 1922-23 parliament. Clarice McNab was Scotland’s first woman town councillor in 1913 (in Leith). After two failed attempts at Ayr Burghs, she became Ayrshire’s first woman MP in 1945, winning Kilmarnock, but resigned through illness after a year, and died a month later. The seventeenth-century MP Sir John Talbot occupied five seats: Worcestershire (one year); Knaresborough (18 years); Chippenham (five months); Ludgershall (one month) and Devizes (two years). He acted as a second in a fatal duel; Talbot was himself wounded. “Finality Jack” Russell is the only dog-linked MP to be PM (twice). He brought up his grandson, Bertrand Russell.
Bill Greenwell

The editor of Vogue writes “The Fan”
Sophistication or the street? There’s gold in them thar malls if you can manage both, but the new Arsenal away strip will likely divide opinion as sharply as the shirt’s diagonal boundary between dark blue and cyan (the latter perilously near turquoise – ouch!). A slant on the old Woolwich Arsenal’s sundial shadow? That’s what they say, but if we’re talking history, who can imagine this strip fuelling Peter Storey’s predatory challenges or Overmars’s darts down the wing? Also the redesigned club crest – stark white with an assertive plethora of foliage – is a shade de trop. So, farewell to the old red and gold, then. On the plus side, though we wouldn’t recommend the colour combination for van Persie’s skin and hair tones, the first win at Anfield since 1974 must count for something. As for the “Dri-Fit recycled polyester”, we can say that it will suit those who sweat.
Basil Ransome-Davies