[Mark McDonnell]

Rev

This Is Where We Came In

“It isn’t what I’d call a picture show,
this CGI…AI…it’s all the same,
all bouncing spandex arseholes. Such a shame
we lost the morse code pulse of RKO —
a title card and off! A silhouette
and there’s your man, but doomed you see, some double-
crossing dame, smoking, built for trouble.
— How long’s this flick? Christ, when did they forget
how bladders work? An hour and a half’s a charm...”

Chiaroscuro blinds that hide a hood
throw shadows black as 1940s blood.
A big shot shot – you're cradled in my arms –
cue sirens and ‘The End’.
…………………………….……..…..”I’m tired now, son.
Nudge me when these flying clowns are done.”



changed L4
Various tweaks to punctuation, including speech-marks



This Is Where We Came In

It isn’t what I’d call a picture show,
this CGI…AI…it’s all the same –
all bouncing spandex arseholes – such a shame
they’re feeding kids this stuff. Now, RKO!
A title card and off! A silhouette
and there’s your man, but doomed you see, some double-
crossing dame, smoking, built for trouble…

How long’s this flick? Christ, when did they forget
how bladders work? An hour and a half’s a charm...

Chiaroscuro blinds that hide a hood
throw shadows black as 1940s blood.
A big shot shot – you're cradled in my arms –
cue sirens and ‘The End’.

......................................I’m tired now, son.
Nudge me when these flying clowns are done.
..
..

[Susan McLean]

Mark, I can identify with your dilemma. I can't stand the superhero flicks, either, though I don't share your fondness for film noir, which has its own clichés, including obnoxious stereotypes about women. But I want intelligent films with interesting dialogue and characters with some nuance. Oppenheimer was a treat for me. I would suggest putting a hyphen after "double" in L6 to avoid confusion. I was temporarily confused about the significance of "hood," but once I remembered the context, I knew what it had to mean.

Susan

[David Callin]

A hearty hear-hear from me. The RKO logo is a welcome sight to me too.

And the length of films nowadays. Ridiculous. (Even A Complete Unknown. 147 minutes. Unnecessary.)

I understand what Susan means about the characterisation of women in film noir, but I still love a well done noir. Your italicised lines capture that nicely.

Is the title a reference to the days when there were multiple showings, so you could arrive halfway through a film then wait for the first half to come around again?

Cheers

David

[Matt Q]

Hi Mark,

I enjoy the somewhat grumpy-old-man voice -- the ageing bladder, and the they-did-it-better-in-my-day vibe. I also like the way you've broken up the spacing of the sonnet form too. It makes it seem more casually conversational than tightly formal.

The question of the addressee(s) has me wondering a little. It seems to start out as internal monologue. He's in cinema, I think, otherwise he could just pause the film to empty his bladder. And if he's in a cinema, I presume he's not speaking aloud. In which case, he's addressing himself. Then there's a "you", who I take to be his beloved (but could, I guess, be the female lead of the film noir?), who he seems to be addressing in his head. Then there's "son" who may literally be his son or some other youngster in the cinema, who may well be addressed aloud. I guess the "you" might also be the son as small child or baby, but that's not how I read it -- but maybe the N watched RKO films when the son was a baby, and those films were already old. If I read it right, the double switch might be avoided with "she's cradled in my arms", so that N is immersed in the film noir film and imagining himself as the hero with actual leading lady -- though I guess the direct address of "you" is may be more impactful. I don't know that it's a big deal. I'm just flagging it, really, as it wrong-footed me a little.

Not being that familiar with film noir, at first I thought that RKO was the wrestling move of that name, which seemed to fit with the spandex superhero fight scenes. I think the exclamation mark was what swung me that way. It makes it sound like a dynamic move is happening. Could just be me that gets confused by this. Still, an ellipsis maybe? One could exclaim "Now, RKO!", I guess. But one might also say "Now, RKO ..." in the sense of, "Now RKO, on the other hand".

best,

Matt

[Clive Watkins]

Mark, I took it that the speaker here (in the lines not in italics) was your father, a figure who appears in other poems of yours, I think. The lines in italics describe a scene characteristic of film noir. I might have punctuated slightly differently, also using some additional italics, making three small changes of wording, and some changes of lay-out, perhaps along these lines:


“It isn’t what I’d call a picture show,
this CGI…AI… It’s all the same,
all bouncing spandex arseholes. Such a shame
they’re feeding kids this stuff. – But RKO!
A title card and off! A silhouette,
and there’s your man, but doomed you see, some double-
crossing dame, smoking, and built for trouble.
– How long’s this flick? Christ, when did they forget
how bladders work? An hour and a half’s a charm.”
Chiaroscuro blinds that hide a hood
throw shadows black as 1940s blood.
A big shot shot, you're cradled in my arms.
Cue sirens and ‘The End’. – “I’m tired now, son.
Just nudge me when these flying clowns are done.”

I hope this is useful. Nice piece…

Clive

[Yves S L]

Hello Mark,

For me, sounding so throwaway and causal within the iambic pentameter, the talk of contemporary super-hero movies is too breezily dismissive to act as a rhetorical counterweight to the film-noir stuff, so it leaves the poem unbalanced in such a way my mind just glibly skips over all t"he superhero movies are trash" lines because the lines themselves are not that compelling as lines.
Personally, I would go heavier at the start:

It isn't what I'd call a picture show,
But flying clowns are what will pass for gods.
More bouncing spandex arseholes... Poor sods,
The kids who lap this up... But RKO!


I reckon the balance is better if the poem works its way into the breezy dismissal tone.

Yeah!

[Jim Moonan]

First, I love the writing style. It's never boring, always pushing the envelop, careful with words, punctuation-charged, inventive lineation — always a pleasure to read.

Notes

• I can't tell where your tongue is. Is it in your cheek or is it stuck out? Are you poking a stick at the conundrum that generational change creates? Is it a soliloquy?
  
  
• Matt’s initial confusion with RKO, thinking it was referring to the wrestling move, is a crit-echo of the poem’s conceit: two different worlds.
  
  
• RKO doesn't immediately bring to mind bygone film days to me. When I was young there was a radio station out of Philadelphia with the call letters WRKO. I must confess I'm not an avid cinephile. I dabble. Now if you said "MGM Lion" I would immediately relate : )
  
  
• It's a POV poem spoken from the older generation's perspective. I remember growing up and having snide remarks made to me/us about our bellbottoms, our long hair, our rock, etc. The criticism rolled right off.
  
  
• I feel a sense of disconnectedness in this. Not on the surface of the poem, but lurking beneath it. Just me, maybe. Tough times we are living in, despite all our luxuries. There is a pathos to it; a "One of us must be wrong" feel.
  
• When I think of the advances in tech that have exaggerated/accelerated the inevitable rift between generations, and then conversely think of the intergenerational underpinnings of a culture that holds generations together, I wonder if CGI/AI-infused films are really breaking new ground — or is it that they simply retell the same old story using modern techniques? Modern Shakespeare.

I don't know. All I know is I enjoyed this like an old friend. I think you are too young yet to fully embody the older generation your N represents in the poem, but you have a bead on it, for sure.

Btw, I like a good silent film every now and then...


.

[R. Nemo Hill]

Mark, this is a sterling example of the casual conversational meter you are so adept at. It reads smooth and quick, all the conversational nuances of tone and caesura handled so well that it slips right off the tongue. But then...if one slows one's reading-self down, one catch all sorts of deft innovations that bear further scrutiny. My favorite of those moments—? "A big shot shot".

In the end it isn't a screed pro-or-con, but a character sketch wearing opinions.

It's quite good.

And RKO is precisely correct, it is RKO that really conjures quintessential noir. (OK, I am quite familiar with film and film history.) (And I like all sorts of films, including very long ones whose running time is necessary if their filmmaker judges them so.) (Though I hate super-hero movies.)

As far as trying to work out the narrative structure behind the voice, oh, I don't know, the poem reads so smoothly to me on an archetypal level, that it never even occurred to me to construct a family tree or to quibble about who is being literally addressed.

I also don't see where a reader's unfamiliarity with film noir detail means a poem should be revised to be more universally reader-friendly. For me that is too much in line with the numbing universality of Broadway or television. Not everyone has to get it or like it, and the confusing-to-some generational gaps and their real-time reflections are part of the fun of the poem.

Both men and women are stereotyped in film noir. I find such dated portraits illuminating, rather than irritating. One can't really judge art of the past according to modern standards. One has to take it as it is, and reflect on subsequent changes—the beginnings of those changes are sometimes sneakily introduced into the old films themselves.

Nemo

[Jim Ramsey]

Hey Mark,

Take heart, no need to be so pessimistic. The movie industry in good taste and with a sense of fairness has worked it out so that the non-superhero average Joe gets to battle zombies every other movie.

Jim

[Alex Pepple]

Hello, Mark,

This piece masterfully contrasts the gritty elegance of classic noir with the spectacle of modern superhero films, filtered through the voice of an older narrator sharing the experience with their son. The sonnet form works well, and your language choices and syntax effectively establish both the nostalgic appreciation for old Hollywood and the playful disdain for contemporary cinema.

Your imagery is particularly strong—chiaroscuro blinds, shadows black as 1940s blood, and the stark contrast with bouncing spandex arseholes and flying clowns make for a vivid and engaging read.

One possible tweak: shifting The End to the poem’s actual closing might reinforce the structural mirroring of classic films, enhancing the nostalgic effect. Perhaps something like:

A big shot shot – you're cradled in my arms –
cue sirens wailing. I'm tired now, son.
Nudge me when these flying clowns are done.
......................................'The End'.

(If preserving rhyme and meter is the priority, perhaps something like: "A kingpin’s shot – you're with me that weekend.")

Overall, this is a remarkably polished piece that captures so much in a compact form. The voice is authentic, the contrasts are meaningful, and the emotional core resonates strongly.

Good luck with this, Mark!

Cheers,
...Alex