[John Whitworth]

No. 2596: A is for Asbo
You are invited to submit an alphabet primer (a is for..., b is for..., etc) designed for children of the Noughties (150 words maximum). Entries to ‘Competition 2596’ by 14 May or email lucy@spectator.co.uk

This COULD be a poem I suppose but I totally lack inspiration. Perhaps you will come up with some good stuff. I've forgotten what the letters asbo stand for. Perhaps some other Brit will oblige. It's an order handed down by a court to bad people who are not quite bad enough to go to jail. Children of the - heavens, what do we call them - the underclasses we say over here, get lots of them. This looks a rather classist competition. But it doesn't have to be.

Sam Gwynn and Frank Osen were both commended in the 'Dear John' competition. Janet Kenny won money for her excellent Edna St Vincent Millay. And Bill Greenwell for his equally excellent Gerard Manley Hopkins. We are a clever lot, though Bill Greenwell is of course a ringer. I hope I've got the nomenclature right. I've seen a baseball match now, you see.

Sam Gwynn endorsed his £25 to me and I paid it into my account today. £25 = $35. I'm knocking off a couple for postage back, more if it's more. So Sam will receive $32-33 in cash. Of course there is a risk someone in the postal zservice will steal the money, but I've sent dollars through the post before. If anyone else has a £25 cheque they can't cash, endorse it (sign your nameof the back, dummy) post it to me at

20 Lovell Road
Rough Common
Canterbury
Kent CT2 9DG
UK

and I will send you $32-$33 back for as long as I've got the spare dollars. Don't forget to include your address. This way we stop the filthy banks making any money out of us. Go on someone, tell me it's not legal.

[Roger Slater]

Way to go, Janet. (You, too, Bill, but I don't really know you so I put Janet first).

[Marion Shore]

Congrats to all!

John,
It's a baseball game (just ball game will do), not a match!

BTW, do you know the difference between our pitch and yours?

[FOsen]

Screw the Speccie, I'm going for an asbo. Congratulations, Sphereans (this now includes Bill Greenwell, whether he likes it or not).

Editing in to add Welcome, Apologies, and Congratulations [WAC] to Martin Parker. We're getting a mighty deep bench here - how does one say that in cricket?

Frank

[Marion Shore]

From the article:

... In the UK, there has been criticism that an ASBO is sometimes viewed as a 'badge of honour' by some younger people.

God, that so describes my son!

[Martin Parker]

Following J W's hope that I would join and swell the number of Brits on this site my own successful Speccie entry has been blushing unseen in your Dear John section for several days. No, I promise I am not a Greenwell alias.

Incidentally, ASBO stands for Anti-social Behaviour Order, a thing which no youngster can afford to be without -- though I believe an eighty-five year-old was given one recently. And a woman, at that!

[EREME]

Martin, you may not be a Greenwell alias, but you appear to be a Greenwell neighbour. If this signifies that it rubs off, I'm moving down to Devon.
As to your Dear John sonnet, if I could have written that one I'd die happy, probably with a bottle of something tremendously self-congratulatory in my hand. It's to be hoped that you enter it for your own current 'Dark Lady' competition in your own excellent LightenUp Online webzine. A winner, beyond a doubt.

[John Whitworth]

Heavens Martin. You gotta Dark Lady Competition. I gotta nentry. I'll look you up.

Ball game eh? Do you use match in any context? Tennis match? Golf match? Is the Ryder Cup a game? Anyway I know that if the guys are all lined up on the bases then it's bad news for the other guys. Also that not everyone wears silly pants.

We are heading for a takeover of this Speccie thing. I'm waiting for a 100% show.

[Janet Kenny]

Good heavens above! Knocked down with feathers! I am strangely happy! What a lovely surprise. Congratulations to the eternal Spectator Laureate Bill Greenwell and crowns of roses for Sam and Frank.

Thank you John for introducing this extra delight into our poetry lives. It's late here. I'll come back tomorrow when it's sunk in. I'm not sure how this is all handled.
Crazy world ;-)

Roger thank you! You know that last night I was out of my mind with half a bottle of Rosemount Chardonnay. (I sent Roger a very strange PM in which I called him Peter.) I should have saved it for tonight.

Martin, Congratulations. I haven't read your sonnet but the more in this party the merrier.

[Marion Shore]

John,
With tennis and golf, I think it could go either way--my sense is, that a professional competition is a "match" while an ordinary game is, well, a game. I admit I had to google "Ryder Cup"--definitely a match! The sweatier, less gentile, more "ballsy" team sports are games. For instance, if I said to my kids, how was the basketball match, they'd look at me like I was from a different planet. Well, come to think of it, they look at me that way most of the time anyway...

Martin, can you prove you're not a Greenwell clone? I had read your poem on the board, and when I saw it in the Speccie, I had a funny feeling of déjà vu. Anyway, Greenwell or not, you are a force to be reckoned with. Way to go! And welcome to our merry band!