[John Whitworth]

None of us won anything in the Thank-you-letter competition but none of us entered it as I remember, except me. Of course Bill will have done. So hard cheese Bill.

No. 2629: Palinode
In a palinode a poet retracts something written in an earlier poem. You are invited to submit a palinode on behalf of a well-known poet (16 lines maximum). Please specify the original poem and the poet, and please email entries, where possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on Wednesday 6 January.

I actually knew what a palinode was. I wrote one. Actually I thought it was a poem about the past. Fortunately mine fitted anyway. OK. I've done a proper palinode. It's the bleeding obvious, but at least I've done it FIRST. Question: does ANYONE call hot water bottles hotty-botties? Oh and is Pa's the correct way to write the plural?

Palinode: This Be The Verse – Philip Larkin

They tuck you up, your Mum and Dad,
With Teddy and a hotty-botty.
They make you happy when you’re sad,
And give you Calpol when you’re grotty.

And they had lovely Ma’s and Pa’s
Who fed them on hot-buttered toast
And pickled eggs from Kilner jars
And read them bits of Picture Post.

So let’s have heaps of kiddikins,
Where everything is fine and funny.
It’s where true happiness begins,
With lots of love and lots of money.

[Roger Slater]

DAD, GO GENTLE AFTER ALL

Dad, go gentle into that good night.
Be glad you lived to see the close of day.
Why should you rage? You've had your share of light.

Though morons at their end cry "It's not right!",
Just think how they would benefit if they
Would just go gentle into that good night.

Good men are everywhere! They cry how bright
Their daring deeds have danced in life's great bay!
Why should you rage? You've had your share of light.

And you, my father, try with all your might,
Don't whine or let me see your tears, I pray.
Dad, go gentle into that good night.
Why should you rage? You've had your share of light.

[Roger Slater]

My Candle
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

My candle burns at one end.
That way it's sure to last.
And that's the way I recommend.
Elsewise, it burns too fast.

[Roger Slater]

MOTHER GOOSE CLEAR THE AIR

Mary didn't have a lamb
and if she did its fleece
was not as white as snow but black,
as black as kitchen grease.

And everywhere that Mary went
the lamb would never go.
You see, the lamb did not exist.
They lied who told you so.

It never followed her to school.
There would have been a fuss
if someone's lamb had even tried
to board young Mary's bus.

[John Whitworth]

Roger, your genius never ceases to amaze.

[Susan McLean]

Oddly, I too know what a palinode is, having translated one by Horace back when I was an undergrad. I wonder if anyone will attempt a Palin-ode, an apology for Sarah Palin. But then, who would accept it? She is unforgivable.

Susan

[Donna English]

Roger, the Millay is my favorite. Susan don't get me started on Palin! She needs to remove the L from her last name.

Buffalo Bill ---by e.e.cummings


Buffalo Bill

debunked

xxxxxxxxxxxxxhe could not

xxxxxxxxxxxxxride a saw horse, let alone a

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxstallion

he broke onetwothreefourfive bones justlikethat

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxJesus

he was a clumsy man

xxxxxxxxxxxxand what I want to know is

how do you like you black and blue boy

Mr. ambulance driver

[John Whitworth]

I KNEW you lot would have fun with this. On the button, Donna. Sam can't get Eratosphere. Just keeps getting the busy tone. So here's his characteristic effort. Poems seriously about money are at a premium, which is curious since, in my experience, poets rarely think of anything else. Have I recommended before, Hilaire Belloc's 'Would that I had three hundred thousand pounds'?

Sam’s Palinode

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard my broker say,
'Shed hearts and loves a'plenty
But stow your cash away;
Send letters and send flowers
But keep liquidity.'
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.

When I was four-and-sixty
I heard him say once more:
'You may be in a fix; the
Stock market's on the floor.
You'd better cash out quickly
Before your debts accrue."
Now I am five-and-sixty,
And arrgh, 'tis true, 'tis true.

[Martin Elster]

nothing depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

[John Whitworth]

Perhaps

bugger all depends
upon

Cue for legai joke. Judge asks if the prisoner has anything to say before he passes sentence on him

Prisoner (mumbling): Bugger all
Judge: What did he say?
Clerk of the Court: He said 'Bugger all', my Lord.
Judge: That's funny. I could have sworn he said something.