[John Whitworth]

Spherians were out in force. Bazza, Bill and Martin Parker in cracking form. 'The Barmy old bird at the Hall' will stay in my memory as a most felicitous turn of phrase.Janet Kenny got an hon mensh. She should have been up there instead of one of the entries (not of course one of ours) which has a line that MUST be a foot short.

The new competition is for PROSE. Dammit. But then I though P G Wodehouse and A A Milne. Do you think they count as modern. They are dead but they were alive during my lifetime.


No. 2736: Unauthorised versions
You are invited to submit biblical stories retold by modern authors (prose only, please: 150 words maximum). Please email entries, if possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 22 February.

[John Whitworth]

I thought she wanted something current. Hargreaves is dead, alas, but the books continue.

Mr Unlucky and Little Miss Nicely by Roger Hargreaves

Mr Unlucky was out walking when he fell among thieves, Mr Biff, Mr Boff and Mr Banker. Biff-Boff! went Mr Biff and Mr Boff. Mr Unlucky was black and blue. Poor Mr Unlucky!

Mr Banker stole all his money, stole the shirt off his back and kicked him into a ditch. Poor Mr Unlucky!

Along came Mr Snooty and Mr Sniffy. Help! said Mr Unlucky. No, said Mr Snooty, snootily. No said Mr Sniffy, sniffily. No help for the likes of you. Poor Mr Unlucky!

Along came Little Miss Nicely wheeling her pram to the shops. Help! said Mr Unlucky. You poor man, said Little Miss Nicely. She put him in her pram, wheeled him to the Hospital and took out her purse. No, said the Nurse. This is an NHS Hospital, free at the point of use. Lucky Mr Unlucky!