[John Whitworth]

You have to hand it to the fellow. He's so quotable. He said, 'I would sooner nail my testicles to a speedingtrain than be President of the European Union'. I wrote a poem about it which I can't show you because it would be narcissistic boasting. So I challenge you to write a poem on the subject. THEN I can show you mine. Americans can substitute something by President Obama that makes them laugh, though I can't think what that would be. Upright and honest he may be, but not a barrel of laughs. Bush was a clear winner in that department.

[Jerome Betts]

Don't torment us, John. Will the following, miserble as it is, be enough to comply with the self-effacing stipulation in your post and allow you to release your satirical outpourings on this timely topic?


A political poodle called Blair
Once paraded himself in a pair
Of overtight jeans -
Which quite possibly means
Not a lot to nail down lurks in there.

[John Whitworth]

Nice limerick, Jerome. Well, you're right, it's silly to teeter around like a nun at an orgy. Here we are.

A Speeding Train

I’d rather nail my testicles to a speeding train than be President of the European Union: Tony Blair

A train is speeding through the night,
A scattering of sparks and steam.
It’s here, it’s there, it’s out of sight!
A train is speeding through the night
The carriages ablaze with light
And bollocks on the buffer beam.
A train is speeding through the night,
A scattering of sparks and steam.

This is the Train for Europe which
Is crammed with everyone that cares
For freedom for the filthy rich,
The Toytown Train for Europe which
Will surely finish in a ditch.
The balls, of course, are Tony Blair’s.
This is the Train for Europe which
Is crammed with everyone that cares.

I think I might come up with a variant last line but I haven't thought it up yet.

[Chris O'Carroll]

'Twas at St Pancras that I nailed them on.
Since then, I've run like hell beside the track.
We've reached the French end of the Chunnel now.
I rather think I'd like to have them back.

[Julie Steiner]

Okay, eunuchleheads, I'll play, too!

To follow US precedents might serve the EU well.
In some respects our cases are exactly parallel.
And Madison and Jefferson were major, major lights.
So spare your manhood, Tony! They were
pro-
states'
rights!

(Okay, so it's not exactly anatomically correct...)

[Julie Steiner]

A Glimpse of Obama's Inner Workings

He said "Let me be clear" again.
The crowd began to buzz,
And then to gasp, and shriek, and swoon,
When suddenly he was.

[Jerome Betts]

John, presumably the sparks and steam are because it's a gravy train as well as from Toytown? As TB is such a devious character perhaps those objects on the buffer beam are fake and you could amend the last line to 'Is crammed with Blair's prosthetic spares'?

Perhaps we should all be supporting Herman Van Rompuy, the writer of haiku-like Flemish verse?

See today's Guardian http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisf...der-chancellor

[John Whitworth]

Heavens! Alexander Chancellor in the Grauniad. Wonders will never cease. For outsiders, Chancellor is an old Speccie editor and a solid conservative. The Guardian (Grauniad is an in joke) is a pinko leftie rag. I will mull over your last line. It runs well, but th thought is a bit complicated and (as all of you will doubtless know) I am a simple man. My wife tells me about all the hard stuff, economics and finance and things like that.