[Andrew Frisardi]

Just got this in an email and thought people here might enjoy it as I did. I especially like the last bit on the Aussies!

“Alerts to Terror Threats in 2011 Europe,” by John Cleese

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

The Italians have increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The Australians, meanwhile, have raised their security level from "No worries" to "She'll be Alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[David Mason]

Right on, mate!

[Bill Carpenter]

Glad to see the ancestral humor survives. Our boring perpetual orange, a purely political bureaucratic compromise, doesn't rate mention.

[Mark Blaeuer]

Thanks for posting, Andrew. I'd never seen it before and must admit it made me laugh. However, I doubt the attribution it came with.

http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=70255

[Jayne Osborn]

This one's been 'doing the rounds' for ages, Andrew.
Someone called John Humberstone possibly wrote it in July 2007, but someone else said it reminded them of an article by John Cleese entitled "The Importance of Being Offensive."
(Just my twopenn'orth - can't actually verify any of the above, though!)

[Andrew Frisardi]

Oh, God, I'm so gullible!

[Jayne Osborn]

Don't worry, Andrew, it can be an endearing trait!

[Gail White]

Never mind, Andrew, I never saw this before and I laughed the
cat off my lap.