[John Whitworth]

Bazza worthily wins the race with a little work of genius. Congratulations also to Spherians Frank Osen and Robert Schechter who would both have beaten anyone, had Bazza not been in competition.

The new competition has been done before, I feel sure. But I don't think I've done it.

No. 2705 modern manners
You are invited to supply an updated version of John Betjeman’s ‘How to Get on in Society’ (16 lines max). Email entries, if possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 13 July.

[basil ransome-davies]

Ta, John, & congrats to other eratonauts. I did have a lot of fun doing that one, wasn't like work at all.

[Maryann Corbett]

Congrats to Bazza, Frank, and Bob.

I keep waiting for one of these to look possible for me, but this week's is definitely not, not for this American. I didn't know the Betjeman poem, and when I read it, I was utterly baffled. I've finally learned from this article in The Telegraph that the whole point is the U and Non-U thing that afflicts British English. But American English has no such clear, single set of word-choice class markers. Plain usage errors don't quite do.

Can I sue Lucy for discrimination, do you suppose?

[Julie Steiner]

Forget U and Non-U, Maryann. Go w/ txt & non-txt. Or otherwise hip & non-hip. Nothing more painful than oldsters trying to talk the talk, is there?

Maybe you'll find this inspirational. Or maybe not.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/g...n-commandments

[Maryann Corbett]

Thanks, Julie. I have to work so hard to read those that the laugh fizzles. But I see what you're recommending.

[Roger Slater]

I remain baffled. I don't even know what U and non-U means, let alone txt and non-text. I don't understand the Betjeman poem at all, I'm afraid.

[Maryann Corbett]

Roger, the idea behind the Betjeman poem is that the speaker is trying to be U (upper class) but is choosing all the wrong terms, the ones that mark her (it's got to be a her, I think) as non-U. The poem probably worked to best effect when the topic of U and non-U words was being actively discussed in popular media--which was quite a while ago.

The only idea that's coming to me so far is a poem that's an obvious attempt to talk to young people in current slang, but that fails pathetically because its slang is very badly outdated. I can't get excited about it, but let's see what others do.

[Roger Slater]

Thanks. My first impression is that even if I could write one that would work for Americans, it would probably not work for Brits, so perhaps we'll just have to leave this one to John.

[Orwn Acra]

One of my favorite Betjeman poems, and as I understand it, the narrator is decidedly non-U because of the fish knives, which are a newer invention, and having them meant one didn't inherit the silverware.

[FOsen]

Yes, you sahm, we're deep in the selva oscura of English class distinctions, where most Americans will blithely put both feet wrong and neither know nor much care. I was able to get the substance of the poem (picturing Hyacinth from Keeping Up Appearances as the narrator helps) and still missed half of the signposts. I figured N's probably pronouncing it "rekwizeetz" - but what is so non-U about cruets?? And the gaucherie of saying "phone" instead of "telephone"? I have a feeling this was already dated in 1954, when he wrote it.

Who knew, all those years that Good Seasons was selling that Italian salad dressing mix that came with its own "cruet," that they were setting us for non-U status?

If a cruet's non-U,
It means I must be, too,
Though I neither knew it
Nor rue it.


Frank