|
Notices |
It's been a while, Unregistered -- Welcome back to Eratosphere! |
|
|

12-11-2011, 04:55 PM
|
 |
Member
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12,945
|
|
Dth5
5.
Your Other Women
Your secretaries, eager to assist you;
your colleagues, protegées, even your dean;
the shopgirls who, you joke, cannot resist you;
my own best friends; the maid who comes to clean;
the women whom you’ve charmed in conversation;
the students who adore you from afar--
how can I resent their admiration,
knowing, better than they, how good you are?
So pick your favorite starlets for your spree
and rent each film they’ve been in from the start--
I won’t complain. How can I say you’re wrong
to ogle blondes you swear all look like me?
For when our jobs require long weeks apart,
we both know what it takes to get along.
|

12-11-2011, 06:43 PM
|
 |
Member
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Northern New Jersey
Posts: 9,115
|
|
You got that right.
RM
|

12-12-2011, 06:03 AM
|
 |
Member
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Canada and Uruguay
Posts: 5,875
|
|
Biting. Sarcastic. To the point. Someone's going to read this and say "Ouch! "
|

12-13-2011, 11:43 PM
|
 |
Member
|
|
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: usa
Posts: 7,687
|
|
Maybe there could be a companion poem: My Other Men. I remember this and know who wrote it. Nice work!
|

12-14-2011, 02:55 PM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Plum Island, MA; Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 11,202
|
|
It's a charmer, it's well done - and I'm pretty sure I know who wrote it - but I can't help feeling that it could be even better. A bite more bite, some twists, a bit more of a sense of snark towards the competition, a few back-handed compliments to augment "better than they", could add more depth.
|

12-14-2011, 04:10 PM
|
 |
Member
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 14,175
|
|
I've no idea who wrote this, but I wish it had been me.
|

12-14-2011, 09:35 PM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Savannah, GA 31405
Posts: 4,055
|
|
It may not be sarcastic enough--or at all.
|

12-15-2011, 12:38 PM
|
 |
Member
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Old South Wales (UK)
Posts: 6,780
|
|
I don't think it is sarcastic. I think it misleads the reader into expecting ritual snark and becomes, instead, a mature reflection on "what it takes to get along." I think both people here are in collusion rather than competition. I like it because of this twist.
|

12-15-2011, 05:35 PM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,717
|
|
The last line is where the reader comes in, isn't it? I mean, you ask yourself, what does it take to get along? I think I lean towards Ann's view of this - I think it's more thoughtful, more clear-eyed, than cutting. It hurts, for sure, there's pain here. But something more, too, something deeper that complicates it.
|

12-17-2011, 12:54 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 3,263
|
|
Yes, Michael, Cally, and Ann are right. The poem cuts to the heart of the matter, but somehow there could have been more--although the last line is great. I didn't see sarcasm, but more a kind of rueful stance, also affection, with an undercurrent of anger. The usual complicated human mix Two people who've known each other a while. Or, as Ann says, "I think both people here are in collusion rather than competition." A good poem, but... doesn't entirely lift off, perhaps?
Charlotte
|
 |
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
 |
Member Login
Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,527
Total Threads: 22,750
Total Posts: 280,212
There are 4775 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum Sponsor:
|
 |
 |
|
 |
|