[John Whitworth]

Here's a goodie. I think it's an oldie too.

No. 2799: OLFACTORY

You are invited to submit a poem about smells (16 lines maximum). Please email entries, wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 22 May.

[John Whitworth]

You have to be quite old for this to work. Older than Lucy, I fear.

Olfactory

My kitchen smell was drying sheets.
My mother’s smell was lemon sweets.
My nursery smell was orange juice
And Bruce, my friend, just smelled of Bruce.

Newspapers smelled of printer’s ink.
The rag-and-bone man smelled of drink.
The coalmen’s wagon smelled of horse.
The coalmen smelled of coal of course.

School was sour milk and chalks and sweats.
The Odeon was cigarettes,
And so were buses on the tops
And so were lots of kinds of shops.

My local train was soot and smoke.
My two boiled eggs were buttered yolk.
My grandma’s smell was toast and tea.
Poor children smelled of poverty.

[Roger Slater]

I remember that poem, John. It smells familiar. I think Lucy's old enough to get it.

[Graham King]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

You have to be quite old for this to work. Older than Lucy, I fear.

Olfactory
...
School was sour milk and chalks and sweats.
The Odeon was cigarettes,
...
Poor children smelled of poverty.

I like that one, John! (Seemingly at 51 I'm old enough to get it.)
L9 though would scan more easily for me with a comma between milk and chalks, instead.
The last line deftly brings in a tougher poignancy.

[Graham King]

Weird chemicals (Ah couldn’t say thur names!)
Got swilled abaht, then smoke roared up, or flames,
While Patent Axle-Grease’s queer-like smell
Brought ter mind summat – wot, Ah cannut tell:
A sort o’ mix o’ liniment an’ soap
An’ ferrets. Baccy-smellin’ coils o’ rope
Lay all ower the yard; when it’d pour
Wi’ rain they stank like damp dogs on the floor.
We worked ar guts art: stainin’, forgin’ rigs,
An’ pitchin’ barrels; sweated it like pigs!
The rubber-press’s sulphur-licquorice stench
(That turned me sick but 'ungry) gives a wrench
On me old 'eartstrings now - if Ah pass by:
Them early mem’ries nivver really die;
Altho Ah’ve lost mah strength, an’ job, an’ pay,
Ah still smell the Ol’ Factory ev’ry day…


Is weird, odd or strange the better adjective for L1's chemicals? Does the mix of imagery and dialect work? (The exact trade is meant to be indefinite). Any other comments? ta!

[John Whitworth]

The comma is done, Graham. And thank you. Fifty-one is indeed not old.

Strange is better. And for me the mixture works.

[Adrian Fry]

Bernard Levin
Once observed that Heaven,
Is a place where coffee tastes as good as its smell.
Unfortunately, he said much else as well.

[Nigel Mace]

No, Graham, stick with "Weird" it gets us off to a head-scratching sense of puzzlement. I really admired all of this. Very inventive and convincing without sentimentality. However, in the last line I felt that the smells, rather than thought, might have made their mark, say....
"but smells bring back that Fact'ry ev'ry day"
- and we could perhaps do with commas after strength and after job in the penultimate line.

Adrian, wicked and very neat indeed. Oscar would have loved it!

[Rob Stuart]

Durians

A lot of epicureans
Are very keen on durians,
A Southeast Asian fruit whose taste
Is redolent of almond paste,
Of custard and of sherry wine.
Their smell is rather less benign,
And makes some think of manky towels,
Of rotting veg, or emptied bowels.
Though gourmets reckon they’re a treat,
I couldn’t bring myself to eat
A food whose soi-disant perfume
Reminds one of the smallest room.

[Graham King]

Originally Posted by Nigel Mace

No, Graham, stick with "Weird" it gets us off to a head-scratching sense of puzzlement. I really admired all of this. Very inventive and convincing without sentimentality. However, in the last line I felt that the smells, rather than thought, might have made their mark, say....
"but smells bring back that Fact'ry ev'ry day"
- and we could perhaps do with commas after strength and after job in the penultimate line.

Thanks, Nigel! Along with some other changes, I've recast the last two lines:

Altho Ah’ve lost mah strength, an’ job, an’ pay,
Ah still smell the Ol’ Factory ev’ry day…

(it had to stay 'Ol'Factory' but as you recommended, it's more olfactory now.)
Cheers! Your suggestions helped.