[Chris O'Carroll]

No 4291
Set by J Seery
We asked for questions from exam papers to be answered by future private investigators, now under government regulation.

This week’s winners
The winners get £30 each, with the Tesco vouchers going, in addition, to Graham King.

Q1.WITHOUT LOOKING UP, list exits from this hall. (You are
under constant surveillance.)
Q2.THEORY: What is attached below your chair?
PRACTICAL: Disable it. Belt buckle and shoelaces only may be used. (Doctor in attendance.)
Q3.One candidate here is an impostor – a plant. Which one? How can you tell?
Q4.Have you previously sat this exam under another identity?
(Exhaustive background checks will be made.)What made you think your subterfuge would succeed? How will you do better in future?
Leave the exam by a different route, ensuring you are not followed. Deposit your paper (with fee in unmarked, nonsequential mixed banknotes) in the brown paper bag supplied, at the location whispered to you by the hooded blonde pushing her pram past the gate as you arrived. Do not attempt to contact us; we will contact you.
Graham King

Q1.On the trail of a missing person you break into a motel room. There is a man pointing a gun at you, at his feet a bleeding corpse. A glamorous blonde in a low-cut gown sits on the sofa, smoking. On the desk is a bottle of whisky. What is your first move?
Q2.Rank in order of their utility as clues: a car registration number; a torn-off piece of paper with part of an address on it; a memory stick; an encrypted memory stick; a matchbook from a bar or restaurant; a murdered person’s dying words; confidential police information; lipstick; DNA.
Q3.Would you agree with Barthes’s diagnosis that “in the figure of the private investigator we find that utopic dissolution of the subject-object rupture which promises a happiness it never brings”?
Basil Ransome-Davies

Q1.How many mean streets must a man walk down, and which ones? Justify your answer, with examples.
Q2. In what circumstances would you find it helpful to call on the assistance of (a) your elderly downstairs neighbour, (b) a golden retriever, (c) a Viennese perinatologist, (d) an ex-lover who is EITHER a journalist OR a cop.
Q3.Which TWO of the following do you judge most important in establishing a career as a PI: an unhappy personal life; a drink problem; wit; an antagonistic attitude to authority; a sidekick; a pipe; a revolver? Explain your answer.
PRACTICAL: Using poker and corpse provided, determine how far bruising can be produced after death. Support your assertions with fully documented evidence.
Lydia Shaxberd