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08-18-2021, 08:44 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
Posts: 10,405
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The New Verse News
My recent poem, workshopped here:
http://www.newversenews.com/
Susan
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08-18-2021, 01:19 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Gloucestershire, UK
Posts: 1,790
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Excellent poem; congratulations, Susan!
Best wishes,
Fliss
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08-18-2021, 08:52 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 6,804
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An effective slant on fat discrimination, but I'm still wondering about the 8 fat women, why the number's so specific. Wouldn't "some" do it?
__________________
Ralph
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08-18-2021, 09:03 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
Posts: 10,405
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Ralph, I think "eight" was just the speaker's way of implying "not many." It is weirdly specific, but I think that makes it more memorable as a quote.
Susan
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08-18-2021, 10:16 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 289
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I appreciate the wry, chiding tone, Susan. 
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08-19-2021, 10:03 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 7,587
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Susan, I remember this poem from the workshop. I enjoyed it then and enjoyed it again even more. I agree that having a specific number of women makes the line more distinctive.
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08-19-2021, 11:08 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
Posts: 8,659
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Glad to see it find a good home, Susan!
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08-20-2021, 03:01 PM
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Moderator
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,691
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Oh! That's so fab. I actually commented on that one!
I'm so glad you kept 'hipsters' - it reads just right.
From memory, you changed something in 'homeless crazies' - was it 'your grandmother' originally?
Either way, 'homeless crazies' works beautifully to make us empathise even more with the narrator - it draws it into an external space of social awareness, too.
Sarah-Jane
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08-21-2021, 02:31 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Lazio, Italy
Posts: 5,814
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Congratulations, Susan, I remember that poem and liked it when you workshopped it.
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