[Chris O'Carroll]

Basil Ransome-Davies and Adrian Fry both wrote winning apologies this week. The new comp appears to be based on the entirely unfair assumption that we read the whole magazine, not just the competition page.

No 4239 Set by Adair R Fyn
The New Statesman published an article earlier this month on Ed Miliband (“His story could keep a psychologist busy for years”) and asked the question: What is Milibandism? We’d like the views of an extreme Milibandist to make the matter clear.
Max 140 words by 16 August comp@newstatesman.co.uk

[Brian Allgar]

Oh dear, Adair, I don't think much of that one.

[John Whitworth]

I think perhaps the Staggers doesn't know what Milibandism is either and is hoping for pointers. Don't help them.

[Brian Allgar]

John, I have no intention of helping them. To do so, I would need:

1. To have read the New Statesman article

2. To read anything in the New Statesman (as Chris said) apart from the competition page

3. To be interested in politics

4. To be interested in Labour politics

5. To know the slightest thing about the nonentity Miliband

6. To have the slightest interest in defining 'Milibandism'

7. To think that there is the slightest amusement to be extracted from the subject

8. To give a gnat's fart for the whole thing.

(Sorry, Adrian - I find it far too specific and far too political. It's a straitjacket competition - all the entries will inevitably be very similar. Not much room for fantasy or humour.)

[Jayne Osborn]

I can't cope with Miliband; even Microband, Nanoband or Picoband would be far too much for me!

Jayne

[Brian Allgar]

I think you've got it wrong, Jayne - they would all be far too little. What we need is Megaband, Gigaband, or even Tetraband. At that point, the fellow might become almost visible to the human eye.