[Jayne Osborn]

Now this is more like it.
I love shoes, but daren't tell you how many pairs I own!
I see they've now dropped the fax number for submissions (did anyone actually ever send their entries that way... or by carrier pigeon, perhaps?? )

Jayne


Competition No 187
by Tessa Castro

Some people can’t get enough of them; others hate the whole process of buying and breaking them in.
A poem called ‘New Shoes’, please. Maximum 16 lines.

Entries, by post (The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London W1T 3EG) or by email comps@theoldie.co.uk
to: Competition No. 187 by 6th March. Don’t forget to include your postal address.

[Rob Stuart]

If I seem quick off the mark it's because I sneaked a peak at the new Oldie in Smiths earlier.


You’re feeling depressed after watching the news;
There’s no reconciling the Arabs and Jews.
They both have intractable, dogmatic views.
What is to be done? Buy a new pair of shoes.

Your son’s mugging tramps for a swig of cheap booze,
Your daughter’s resplendent in facial tattoos,
Your missus is now taking lovers in twos.
You know what you need? Why, a new pair of shoes.

You’re no longer free to pay visits to zoos
(They found you at Whipsnade without any trews,
Molesting unfortunate bush kangaroos),
But who can deny you a new pair of shoes?

Get flip-flops for comfort or clogs to amuse,
Get wellies or army boots, brogues, Jimmy Choos.
There’s nothing like footwear for beating the blues,
So cheer yourself up with a new pair of shoes.

[Jayne Osborn]

Nice one, Rob!

I frequently cheer myself up with a new pair of shoes

Jayne

[John Whitworth]

The Oldie did this one four years ago. Unaccountably I failed to win. I shall try the same verse again and trust Tessa has forgotten. Oldie quiz indeed. Do they suppose we are weak-witted as well as old. Pshaw!

[Jayne Osborn]

I thought it seemed familiar, John.

And just in case anyone's not sure what John means by:

Oldie quiz indeed. Do they suppose we are weak-witted as well as old. Pshaw!

it's a reference to my rant on "The Oldie Desert Island Diary results" thread, here.

Jayne

[Jerome Betts]

It was No 147, 40 comps ago, in Jan-Feb 2012. Tempted to resubmit 8 of the 16 lines that didn't make it that time, in view of the reduction in space and Tessa's senior moment. I hope she's not fighting a vicious turf war under the new regime.