[John Whitworth]

In the Insomnia Competition Bill Greenwell nearly made it, Marion Shore won (again, Marion!) and Chris O'Carroll got the fiver, well-deserved in my view. Congratulations all round. Full results under Competition. Any secret snivelling from me because I have not won lately ought to be sternly suppressed because this competition MUST have my name on it. And a lot of your names too. Gilbert did actually do burlesques of Shakespeare (whom he didn't rate much at all).

No. 2641: Will power
You are invited to submit an adaptation by W.S. Gilbert of a scene or a soliloquy from Shakespeare (16 lines maximum). Please email entries, where possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 31 March.

[John Whitworth]

Well here's the ice-breaker. I think it goes with a swing, particularly with the addition of the chorus. Macbeth is in tartan of course.

Will Power

(Enter Macbeth and Chorus)

I have lost all my swagger; I sway and I stagger
Whenever a dagger appears on the scene.
Is it solid and clutchable? No – an untouchable
Dream of a dagger! So what does it mean?
He is hardly a bragger so what does it mean?

This illusion (no drunk ‘un) means curtains for Duncan.
He’s properly sunk and it’s time for Macbeth.
He will sleep with the fishes in line with my wishes.
A couple of swishes should do him to death.
He is bold and ambitious; it points to a death!

It’s a vision I swear, it’s not palpably there,
It’s a dagger of air, it’s a species of ghost.
And a bell out there pealing, increases the feeling
That murder is stealing and Duncan is toast.
He is clearly revealing poor Duncan is toast!

[Martin Elster]

That's brilliant, John. For a Shakespeare actor who has memorized countless lines and is an authority on Gilbert, this one is right up your alley.

[John Whitworth]

Thank you, Martin. Though 'Shakespearian actor' is going a bit. I was Iago at school and at university I inserted a poker up the bottom of the son of Constance Cummings. But perhaps you were referring to yourself, in which case, thank you doubly.

[basil ransome-davies]

Nice one, John, though 'sleep with the fishes' doesn't sound quite right for Duncan, who is not being consigned to the deep.

I had a notion for starting the 'To be or not to be' soliloquy with 'Should I shit or go blind? I can't make up my mind', but that – sadly but inevitably – has been deep-sixed.

bazza

[John Whitworth]

Oh Bazza, what a brilliant couplet! As for the fishes, you are right. Duncan is nowhere consigned to the moat, though Gilbert would be quite capable of making that change. He wrote a burlesque called 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern', did you know that?

[R. S. Gwynn]

Who says that I am villainous? Who says that I am bad?
Who says that I am not a philanthropic kind of lad?
I freely give advice to all, and honest is my name,
And everybody plays my little game.

The Moor and Desdemona are both framed so fruitfully
That one will fall and then the other--all because of me!
Divinity of Hell, I put your blackest colours on
And flutter like an angel ‘round your throne!

If Cassio is counseled to a course that's parallel
To all his good who says that I have steered him less than well?
He'll ply the lady and the lady then will ply the Moor
And all these signs will signal an amour!

Yea, pestilence is what I plan to pour into his ear.
A motiveless malignity is one that all should fear,
For all their virtues weave the net that will enmesh them all
Whilst I shall be the happier for their fall!

Othello, 2:3

[R. S. Gwynn]

Incidentally, to "sleep with the fishes" is Godfather-metaphor for having been waxed; thus, it would work just fine for Duncan. Lucca Brazzi was garroted, but the medium was not the literal message in that case.

There was a film-noir gangster version of Macbeth in the 50s. I've seen bits of it. Made in the UK.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0048230/

[John Whitworth]

Sam, there's an 'I' adrift from your fine Iago in the first line of the last stanza. Is this an actual Gilbertian stanza or one that might have been a Gilbertian stanza?

Thanks for your note about 'sleep with the fishes'. I really didn't want to change that.

Re Joe MacBeth. Do you, or does any American, realise the full horror of Banquo played by Sid James? 'Carry on to Dunsinane'. Do you know that Dunsinane is a real place and a real castle, pronounced Dunsinnon? Ian McKellen did MacBeth in a leather jacket. Not bad. Actually, I've never seen a good one except the Japanese MacBeth who is (I think) Toshiro Mifune. But in Japanese unfortunately. Do I rate Welles's MacBeth? No I don't. His Falstaff is his Shakespearian masterpiece

[R. S. Gwynn]

A faux-Gilbert but inspired by King Gama's "If You'll Give Me Your Attention."

Damn your I's! Or mine, dammit.