[John Whitworth]

Bill, Bazza and Peter Wyton were just short of the money, but Jerome Betts (oh praise him!) won £20 for four trenchant lines, which just shows you that size isn't everything. And here is this month's offering.

COMPETITION NO 129
When Oliver Pritchett set off down the Old Kent Road some years ago for a summer series on the way to Canterbury, he began with 'The Tattooist's Tale'. Please provide your own version. in verse or prose.
Maximum 16 lines or 150 words.

In my opinion your tale in verse does not have to follow Chaucer's usual practise of rhyming couplets of pentameter. After all, Chaucer didn't.
Entries to 'Competition No 129' by post (The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London WIT 3EG),or email (comps@theoldie.co.uk) by 24 September..

[Jerome Betts]

Thanks for the trenchant accolade, John, but the tea-set still eludes us. Interesting to discover the Oldie at least will shell out for short measure. I had set my hopes no higher than a mention. Nice if it was all paid at £5 a line.

[John Whitworth]

Bazza got a tea-set. I WILL have one. I once won a case of Cobra beer from the Speccie and I once won a bottle of excellent Scotch from the Oldie. Happy days!

[Jayne Osborn]

I never quite got the beer but I won the excellent Scotch from The Oldie TWICE - in a wooden box with a sliding lid, like a large version of those pencil cases we used to have as kids.
But ah! - we all crave the elusive tea-set... (and, while we're at it, I would sell my very soul for a Countdown teapot.)

Well done, Jerome. Nice one

[basil ransome-davies]

The Tattooist's Tale

Mine is a narrative of woe,
Of how the mighty are brought low,
Descending from renown to shame
Through ego and the lust for fame.
I started young in Potters Bar,
But fast became a West End star
Who worked on Robbie Williams' pecs,
Was shortlisted for Posh and Becks
And – such was my hubristic hope –
In line to decorate the Pope.
Alas, I wrote, while inking in
Some love words on Madonna's skin
(The ghastly memory recurs
Like pain) my squeeze's name, not hers.
So now I only needle losers:
Druggies, dossers, no-marks, boozers.


(Many years ago I decided on impulse to get a tattoo but was sent away for being drunk. Phew.)

[John Whitworth]

I don't really see how there could be half a dozen better than that, Bazza. You will surely win again.