[Roger Slater]

My House Is an Orchestra

My house is my orchestra late in the night
when everyone else is asleep.
The fridge in the kitchen will start with a hum,
a murmur that’s low, slow, and deep.
And then, if you listen, the clock near the stairs
will decide that it’s time to begin.
And ticking and tocking, the pendulum-swinging of
click-clocking comes joining in.

The drip in the sink does the plinking, I think.
The wind makes the windows all creak.
And sometimes the rain will come whispering, too,
like voices all trying to speak.
The moan of the furnace, the squeak of the bed
as I burrow in, bundled up tight—
the tuning is over; we’re ready to start now
the music of houses at night.

So lock-it-a, sock-it-a, pock-it-a tock,
each moment a droop and a drop.
And hem-had-a, ham-had-a, him-had-a hum,
the night makes a shoop and a shop.
The speckles and spackles and spookles and spunkles—
the streep and the breep and the sweep.
My house is an orchestra deep in the night,
with a peek, pock, peep.

My house is an orchestra deep in the night,
and I just can’t sleep.

[Roger Slater]

J. Patrick Lewis:

Despite its length, poem 1 sustains the metaphor of its title quite successfully. The imagined sounds, especially the neologisms,
have a bouncy feel to them that appeals to kids.

[Lance Levens]

Roger

I like-it-a-lot. My only gripe is here:

And ticking and tocking, the pendulum-swinging of
click-clocking comes joining in.

The click clocking comes seems a bit clunky.

[R. Nemo Hill]

I really enjoyed this. I was just about to drift when the poem let me know that we'd only been tuning up thus far. The mad earful of what follows is just what the doctor ordered, and the metrical blips of the little double coda are a pitch perfect finale.

Listening to the house at night is such a vivid memory of mine that I suspect this one has that universal appeal that's necessary for a children's poem. The child in me certainly recognized it. S3 seems almost a mad lullaby for the child who'll never entirely fall to sleep in the adult.

Nemo

[Marybeth Rua-Larsen]

The conceit draws me in immediately -- I've been an insomniac since birth and have always been up listening to house sounds. I love the inventiveness and playfulness of S3, which feels like the finale of an orchestral piece, one with cymbal crashes and a big crescendo. I see kids being very drawn to this.

[Maryann Corbett]

Triple-meter fun. And I'll wager this was written by the poet who actually spends his working time in an orchestra.

I wonder if I'm alone in wanting a visual indication of the beats that are missing from the oom-pah-pah implied anapests of the last line--something along the lines of

My house is an orchestra deep in the night
and I Just
Can't
Sleep.

[Andrew Frisardi]

I just love that third stanza. This poem, too, is a pleasure to be had by anyone, kid or not. I'd have a hard time saying which poem today I like more.

[Orwn Acra]

It loses a bit of steam in the second stanza, but the third provides a nice cacophonous climax. I, too, think that "click-clocking" is a queasy metrical lurch; I also agree with Maryann's suggestion for the staccato last lines. Overall, I like it, and it touches upon something a bit deeper, though only just.

[Janice D. Soderling]

Thumbs up from here, but I stumbled the first readings on click-clocking. Might just be me.

I like Maryann's ending. It mimics the sense of falling asleep though the declaimer claims he can't.

If this is a taste of what is to come, it looks to be a terrific bake-off.

[Mark Stone]

I like this poem as it is entertaining and very well crafted.

"My house is an orchestra" is used three times and "My house is my orchestra" is used once. Perhaps "an" or "my" should be used consistently throughout.

In S1L4, my tongue sort of sticks on "low, slow." I might replace "low, slow" with a single word, something like: "a murmur that's steady and deep."

The meter of S1L7&8 doesn't really match the metrical pattern of S1L1-6. My thought for S1L7&8:

It ticks and it tocks and its pendulum swings.
The click of the clock joins right in.

In S2L7, I would delete "now." It adds an extra beat that S2L1, S2L3 & S2L5 don't have, and it doesn't really add anything in terms of meaning.

I agree with Roger's suggestion to have an ending where the sounds put the child to sleep.

I agree with Maryann's idea regarding the last line. But if this is done, then I think the meter of S3L8 should be changed to match the meter of S1L8 and S2L8.

Mark