[John Whitworth]

Bill wins money. Chris O'Carroll nearly does. This competition is not really fair to our International friends though I notice ONE Aussie nearly cracked it. This one here ought to give everybody a chance. Unfortunately for me I find te Olympic Games so terminally boring, a kind of super school sports day, that I don't know whether inspiration will strike.

No. 2744 olympian
You are invited to supply a preview, in verse, of the Olympic Games (16 lines maximum). Please email entries, wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 18 April.

[Jayne Osborn]

The Olympic Games? Oh, Gawd.
What rhymes with 'yawn'?

[basil ransome-davies]

"What rhymes with 'yawn'?" As an alternative form of visual spectacle, obviously 'porn'. But that's tediously performance-driven as well. Leaving the country is the best option.

[Jerome Betts]

I take it all back!

[John Whitworth]

Well done Jerome, both for the poem and for being first. I've been writing this while waiting (in vain) for England to get a Sri Lankan wicket.

The Olympics

Let me tell you about the Olympics.
It isn't for sissies or geeks.
You wear singlets and shorts and it's like your school sports
Except it goes on for two weeks.

The Olympians sweat for their countries.
With the running and jumping and stuff.
And the one that does best gets a gong on the chest
For being so fit and so tough.

There's a regular do when they open
With singing and marching and torches.
And rich foreign bods pay well over the odds
To come in their jets and their Porsches.

And when it's all over they'll tell us
Though London's a hell of a mess
And costs are still mounting, no worries, who's counting?
It's been an oustanding success.

[Jayne Osborn]

Great stuff, John and Jerome

Ode 'ere: The Olympic Games

Why did we even bid to host this thing?
I'm dreading all the horrors it'll bring,
the worst of which will be the endless news
of who's won what. I do not care; my views
on any kind of sport are just the same
as all "celebrities" that you could name.

The country will be swamped on every side
by those pretending they've got national pride,
while litter, crime and road rage will prevail.
It's clear to me the Games can't fail to fail!
I shan't attempt to travel south by train
until normality's restored again.

But if they're giving medals out for old
curmudgeons I'll be up there - winning GOLD.