[Gail White]

MATCHED

I've made my share of fire, from clearing woods
and piling thirds of birches on as high
as flywheel swing and strength would make them fly,
to tenting twigs in mountain solitudes,
and found that every ending is the same:
when sparks no longer spiral into space,
cross-timbers cave to embers that replace
the flash of flame in close embrace with flame.

But two can build a fire that's long in flaring,
a blaze they start then never have to feed,
that swirls, indrawing draughts, and fans their need
to leave the cold and dark of lonely bearing
and make a bed no snow or night can smother,
then burn in it till one out-burns the other.

[Gail White]

Today's entries are two love poems, both of which develop a single image for the whole 14 lines. I thought both were excellent, and that I couldn't do better than post them as a pair.

[Shaun J. Russell]

I think the sestet is very beautiful, but the octave feels a little ponderous to me. L2-L4 strike me as very awkward lines. I've built my share of fires too, but never has the act struck me as so convoluted (no offense intended). I think the overall theme is great, but the build to the wonderful sestet needs to be simplified a bit.

I'm also not a fan of the punning title. Normally a clever pun like that delights me, but in the context of this poem, I think it's a little out of place.

[Tim Murphy]

Lines 2,3, and 8 all strike me as clumsy, but I agree with Shaun that the sestet is gorgeous. If this were mine, Alan would cut it to six lines!

[conny]

i agree with that. i don't understand 2-4 at all.

can somebody explain l.3 pls.

the last 6 lines should stand on their own imo. really good.

[Catherine Chandler]

Some vibrant images of the outdoors and good use of extended metaphor. The title, though a clever pun, trivializes the poem.

I find there are too many "that"s (4, I believe), making the poem sound stilted in places.

And though I like the sentiment of two-heads-are-better-than-one (as far as fire-building/relationships are concerned), every ending is, indeed, "the same", as stated in L5.

Enjoyed, but needs some work.

[Vernon Sims]

It meanders a little, not providing a clear pathway to its ending, though it ends on a strong note. It could be made better with little work.

[Martin Rocek]

I think I can understand the unusual terms in L2,3,
but do find the end of L3 clunky, and really don't like L8--the
repetition of flame just seemed uninspired. The sestet is
very fine.

BTW, I have a strong hunch about who the author might be.

[Carol Trese]

I remember and love this one.