[Jerome Betts]

I shan't add to the growing nose-bag full of Tesco meat-and-meat-products gags: that would be flogging a dead horse... Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead)

But there may be money in dead horses, Carolyn. If the Spectator can flog a dead Richard the Third, can a request for verse on defunct equines be far behind? I think the Eratosphere Collective of Drillers and Amusers should assemble a precautionary bank of horse laughs in these days when the term ‘selling plater’ has acquired a strange new resonance.


Horses For Courses

While Fay loved Jean's finesse and flair
Her parents liked his fine cord breeches,
His sporting style and savoir faire
And rumours of his Swiss-banked riches.

Till one sad day her father tried
A question touching stud and stable,
And ‘Yes, I breed zem’, Jean replied,
But boldly added, ‘for ze table.’

[Brian Allgar]

You're undoubtedly right, Jerome. I shall start working on "Horse d'Oeuvres". And possibly another piece called "Lunch at The Nag's Head - that was our lunch". Or would that be gelding the lily?

[Brian Allgar]

We’re invited for lunch at a neighbouring pub,
“The Nag’s Head”, where it’s said they serve excellent grub.
The beer’s fully English, the cooking is French,
And since it is sunny, the table and bench
In the garden provide an agreeable venue
To swallow a pint while consulting the menu.
The waitress arrives, but she’s sorry to say
That everything’s off but the dish of the day.
We decide that we’ll have it, we’ve nothing to lose;
The weather is fine and there’s plenty of booze:
G & T for the ladies; the men stick to beers.
At last it is ready; our luncheon appears.
When the dish is uncovered, our appetite wanes -
They’ve boiled a whole nag’s head, with bridle and reins.

[Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead]

Where's the Galloping Gourmet when you need him most?

[Jerome Betts]

Behind the scenes in the kitchen preparing the mane course for Brian's ploughhorse lunch?

[FOsen]

I'd just be trotting out hackneyed old chestnuts that have been around furlong time.