[John Whitworth]

All hail to Lucy who can write Georgic and know we doughty compers will know what she means. Or I hope we will.


No. 2821: Georgic

You are invited to supply a poem that provides instruction or useful information. Please email entries (of up to 16 lines), wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 23 October.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

All hail to Lucy who can write Georgic and know we doughty compers will know what she means. Or I hope we will.

"Georgic: A poem dealing with practical aspects of agriculture and rural affairs."

Hmmm ... do you think the "instruction or useful information" has to be agricultural or rural?

[Ann Drysdale]

Well, I'm still trying to find a home for that septic tank emptying poem...

[Brian Allgar]

xxxxxxxxxxCountry matters

Last week, I told you how to madden hatters,
And how to stuff a dormouse in a pot.
Today, we’re moving on to country matters,
So brighten up, you miserable lot.
First, choose a milk-maid or a shepherdess,
Then find a spot: a haystack or a barn’ll
Do very well. Although the wench may guess
That your intentions tend towards the carnal,
Don’t frighten her away; no sudden pouncing,
No fumbling with the buttons on her frock,
Until she makes it clear she’s up for bouncing
By taking off herself her rustic smock,
And then the pair of you can start to play
(A slap and tickle’s fine, but please, no violence),
So gently push her down upon the hay ...
I think I’ve said enough; the rest is silence.

[Ann Drysdale]

I think you're conflating Georgic and Eclogue, she said, pig-sick with envy.

[Brian Allgar]

Well, I thought I was sticking pretty close to the "practical aspects of ... rural affairs" - but then, I wouldn't know an eclogue from a clerihew. As for conflating, I'm afraid years of smoking have made it impossible.