[Sarah-Jane Crowson]

Visual poem/erasure poem and collage using paper and digital techniques. Images sourced from a contemporary fashion magazine, Wood and Sowerby (1859) The common objects of the sea shore : including hints for an aquarium and an amazing illustration, I'd guess mid (19, showing the open mouths of birds.

Hi-res image and some variations here. If anyone gets a chance to look I'd appreciate feedback on which they think work best as I don't think I've quite realised the colour and shades in this yet.

Placing in art because this is probably more art than poem but the words matter too.

Sarah-Jane

[John Riley]

I used the link and think I prefer the brightest. The last one in the column. It's more medieval, I think, more detached because the body is free of the darker colors, and for me that works best. I'm still working on how I feel about "soft" but the rest of the test is precise and suggestive. Best.

[John Isbell]

Hi Sarah-Jane,

Is that pen nibs? And insect wings, and all kinds of hair? I like it a good deal, taken as is with my bewilderment a part of that, and I love your quote. I get a small frisson!
If I had a suggestion it would be that I find what I take is three sets of hair confusing...

Cheers,
John

[Sarah-Jane Crowson]

Oh, wow, thank you both. I was beginning to think I'd be sitting down here solitary. Have some mint tea. I promise it's not hairy.

John R, that's the one I'm torn between - it's an earlier version but I like the luminosity of it. Also your concern about 'soft' echoes my own thoughts. That's really helpful. It's difficult with this kind of composite erasure. I can lose 'soft' though.

John I, no, not pen nibs, they're the mouths of birds from the illustration. It's a completely wonderful source material. I probably need to do it more justice than I have here tbh. Also the sonics in 'mouths of birds' is just oooh, too. Yes, about four types of hair, all part of the original hand-collage version. I'll have a think about what to do about that...

Onward! (thank you)

Sarah-Jane

[John Isbell]

I think it's always a gamble posting in some less trafficked threads. I would feel entirely justified in noting the work in more-frequented venues if it were mine. In your Met thread, for instance.

Cheers,
John

PS I really do see pen nibs there! And lots of hair, a bit like Shiva Nataraja. He's a personal fave: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nataraja

[F.F. Teague]

Hi Sarah-Jane,

This is pretty intriguing; and I enjoyed looking at the variations too. My impulse is to prefer the lightest tones, but that might not be the best fit with 'in the deep', I suppose. The woman seems entirely at ease with being swept away, which I like as it makes me feel at ease with the image. I like the fanned objects and the colours across all the variations. It's quite transporting, like a dream :-)

Best wishes,
Fliss