[Simon Hunt]

THOR Drawn by a Child (revision 1)

One mighty arm extends from his neck toward
the ground, all scarred and armor-cuffed. He needs
no other, this quite strong enough to wield
his giant hammer. His legs, barely pins,
seem unlikely to support his weight,
his belly surprisingly robust,
round and fulsome in his ornately
patterned tunic, over a matching skirt.
His empty eyes are circles too, without thought, as enormous
as the horns thrusting skyward from his helmet.
No, look again. They grow from his skull as naturally
as that single limb hefts the thunder’s weight,
as easily as his terrible golden smile outshines the sun.




THOR Drawn by a Child (0riginal)

One mighty arm extends from neck toward
the ground, all scarred and armor-cuffed. He needs
no other, this quite strong enough to wield
his giant hammer. Barely pins, his legs
would seem unlikely to support his weight,
especially since the belly is surprisingly robust,
round and fulsome in its ornately
patterned tunic, over a matching skirt.
His empty eyes are circles too, without thought and as enormous
as the horns thrusting skyward from his helmet.
No, look again. They grow from his own skull
as naturally as that single limb hefts the thunder’s weight,
as easily as his terrible golden smile outshines the sun.

[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Simon,

Childrens' crayon drawings are so interesting. They share some similar features, the limbs so often disproportionate to the body, or as in your source's case, an arm left out because of the focus on the arm holding the big hammer, the usually unequally sized empty circles as eyes, the stick legs, or pins for legs as you say. However, despite the similarities, each drawing in a group of children will be so different. I like your idea and think the description of Thor is good. I nearly liked the ending, but I felt a little more was needed to believe that the N was experiencing a true epiphany. I think this is a really good idea to work with. Good luck with it being the best it can be.

All the best,
Jim

[Simon Hunt]

Thanks, Jim. I appreciate your giving this one a look and am glad that you found some bits to like. I'm trying to wrap my head around what you're saying about the ending, so please say more if you wish. "More" what, for example? Cheers,

--Simon

[John Riley]

I like the idea. How could I not? It’s about a child drawing and well worked. I’m not convinced by the sentence “Barely pins, …” I think the purpose of the sentence is a mock profundity but am not sure. It may be better if I was sure. Enjoyed.

[Jim Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Simon Hunt

Thanks, Jim. I appreciate your giving this one a look and am glad that you found some bits to like. I'm trying to wrap my head around what you're saying about the ending, so please say more if you wish. "More" what, for example? Cheers,

--Simon

Hi Simon,

I am changing my mind. Maybe I didn't read well enough before I suggested a change. My initial impression was that the last line was too bold in finding such an epiphany in a simple drawing, but now I am seeing all the warrior, hero, and god of Thor with that giant justice wielding hammer standing in stark contrast to that giant, friendly smile, applied without irony in all of childhood's innocence, well worthy of the N's full appreciation and description as you give it.

Jim

[Simon Hunt]

Thanks, John. I'm glad you like some of it, and I'll look at that "Barely pins..." sentence.

Thanks for coming back, Jim. Much appreciated.

[Richard G]

Hi Simon,
enjoyed the conceit.
Perhaps add the name and age of the child to the title? THOR, by X age Y.
No problem with pins/legs (though perhaps switch the order for better clarity, His legs, barely pins, ...?)
Wondered about Miöllnir instead of his giant hammer?
Get a bit lost at 9-10, are you saying that the eyes are as enormous as the horns?
I found "No, look again" intrusive, an injunction the reader cannot obey. Perhaps On second glance they ...

RG.