[Sylvia Fairley]

It's not you, is it, Rob?!

[Brian Allgar]

Nah, it can't be Rob. Mere stripling though he be, I think he's a bit more than 17½.

I particularly remember this one:

In Memoriam
Kim Jong-il,
North Korean Leader

So. Farewell
Then
Kim Jong-
Il.

You were
Kim Jong-
Il.

Then you were
Kim Jong-
Very-il.

Now you are
Kim Jong-
Dead.

[Rob Stuart]

I wish it were me, Sylvia. To be published every month in Private Eye would be a fine thing.

[Graham King]

I saw this comp late and hoped to just get in, in time:

Dear Santa (festive whimsy though thou be!)
I trust you'll entertain this jot from me-
In case perchance you're actual, and not void
(My diffidence does not leave you annoyed?)

It's custom now, I know, to send a list
Of wishes, laid before you- Ah, but hist!
What springs to mind (for springs protrude here- ouch!)
Is a brand-new, more comfortable couch,

On which I may recline and reminisce
Of daffodils... or maybe, failing this,
The funds to re-upholster one of those
My Sis and I own now. But, (otiose!),

Let me now narrow to my greatest need,
With arrowed prayer I hope that you will heed:
Surpassing any other gifts I get-
I should so like to be the Laureate!

[Graham King]

...and this:

Ho! Though I grow now to be an aged soul
Amidst life's random chances... still, control
Over mishaps is what I'd like to get:
So Santa, please, bring me a wee train set...

With bridges I can build, and make fall down;
And coaches (blazoned with the Royal Crown);
And real steam; smoke, emitted in a jet;
Oh Santa, please, bring me a wee train set!

Or not so wee. The Forth Bridge I'd aspire
To add, as well as Tay. Then I'd require
A larger home as well, to hold it all, and yet...
I would so like to own a (large) train set!

So Santa maybe what I ought to ask
(If it is not too grand or large a task;
Since models would my appetite just whet)
Is all Scotland, and its full-size train set!