[David Callin]

Originally Posted by Jim Moonan

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Now that David brings it up, I, too, think "bows" is not quite right and startles me for a split second into thinking it's a gesture of some sort indicating something other than shortness of breath. I think the one word that best describes that movement is "bends".

I still cling to my objection to "bows", Glenn - and I agree with Jim that "bends" is the more appropriate word - but I concede that the former is more attractive than the latter. So it's a tricky one.

I still like the poem. (And I am a returning commenter too. I'm not sure what you should read into that. Maybe that the poem is successful enough to bring people back to it, even with such trifling points as mine.)

Cheers

David

[James Brancheau]

I mostly just wanted to pop in and echo the praise. Great stuff, Glenn. It is among your best, imo. I might prefer “taken” over “stolen,” but that's not such a big deal to me. And I do like “bow” here. In another context, it might be awkward describing bending over as such, but here it nicely colors how the speaker sees it, or would like to see it, and it’s consistent with what’s going on in the poem. (Come to think of it, bowing is a rather accurate way of describing the motion itself, if the action is unsustained. The word also brought “genuflect” to my mind, or a kind of genuflecting gesture—but that’s probably just me and didn’t really factor into my approval of “bow.” Fwiw.)

The other reason I wanted to chime in is to try to persuade you to keep “to the four corners of the balsa frame.” It was one of my favorite moments of the original. In a way, it’s somewhat like your word choice “bow,” which could be suggestive too. For me, the four corners brilliantly alludes to the sign of the cross. And right there in the last stanza, it is perfectly placed as well.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, David and James—

I appreciate your willingness to share how this piece affects you. It is very helpful to know how different readers respond to it.

David—Thanks for being a constant reader. Your skill with diction has been evident to me in your many heartwarming and often humorous poems about Manx culture and life, so I will keep your preference for “bends” in mind.

James—I’m glad you enjoyed it. Memory is a tricky thing. I had a clear memory of my father tying string to the corners of the kite, but I have been unable to find any description of diamond-shaped kites with that construction. They say that every time you retrieve a memory, you actually reconstruct it, so no two memories of the same event are ever the same. Not wanting to risk giving an inaccurate description of the rigging on the kite, I finessed it by not describing it at all. I hope that the cross shape of the perpendicular wooden slats serving as the skeleton of the kite suggest an altar cross, at least subliminally. In hoc signo vinces. Thanks for weighing in.

Glenn