[Martin Elster]

Donna, I really like this:

frosted pasture
guernsey cows milking
the morning sun

[Martin Elster]

Here is one I just wrote about a 4th of July memory.

The boom of fireworks:
Beside a pitch-dark back road
A small dog lies dead.

To balance the gloom of that one, I'll add one that is lighter:

On the putting green
a caterpillar crawls toward
a tree with one leaf.



[This message has been edited by Martin Elster (edited October 17, 2008).]

[Peter Coghill]

Hi Lee,
first a question. For me sonics is more half of poetry. Haikus obviously belong to image first school, but is here any place in Japanese or English for the effects of part rhyme, alliteration etc to emphaise the images or is that against the purist philosophy?

Here are some I've attempted under the heading Bunlgeboori Creek. There an attempt to pull the reader into the ambience

Coachwood
in the north wind - arrows
fresh shot, quivering

Panther pads
in the forest - vines
twist to the sky

A skim of water
one foot of bank -
two hundred of sandstone

fallen logs
after dusk - fireflies
with quiet noels

[Mary Meriam]

Here are some rhyming haiku by Paul Muldoon.

[L.M. Price]

(Stephen, thanks for your continuing help - I've tried again, as you see.)

And Lee, thanks very much in advance. I'm entirely new to haiku also.
I have a question about punctuation. Is it generally left off? Put in? Your choice?

Behind the house
apple branches break
bears grow fatter

cold sails
billow in the wind
a moonlit lake

Brown eyes follow me
tail wagging, mouth apant -
I prefer the cat.

[Seree Zohar]

Hi to both Lee and Stephen

As in my comments to Martin, I would like to see more open-endedness in your haiku. I will look forward to more. (Also, could you tell me why "The Jewish Bride" is in quotes?) Lee

“The Jewish Bride” hosts
immaculate despite centuries
dead flies at her hem

* * *
Lee - not sure of correct procedure when it comes to haiku, but "The Jewish Bride" is the title of a famous Rembrant, thus the quotes. As all three haiku were Holland-focused, I wondered about using the title as indicating the aspect of specific time; then using her continuously pristine state, comparing to the centuries that fall about her, as passing time.

Stephen - in order to better understand the idea of open-ended,(Lee also referred to Martin in this respect - hello Martin! nice to have you as a boat-mate!) - can you DO something with any of the 3 pieces I posted to show open as opposed to closed ??? thanks.



[This message has been edited by Seree Zohar (edited October 17, 2008).]

[Cally Conan-Davies]

Peter - not a specific haiku observation - a side-track, actually - but have you seen a panther????

Cally

[Christy Reno]

Welcome, Lee. I'm not seeing any feedback on my haiku. I could have missed it on the page, but if you haven't given any feedback yet, I'd love to hear what you think.

Originally posted by Henrietta kelly:

I like the 2nd one without the bird word better. I know itchanges the outcome by it gives a study of the person

Thank you for the feedback, Henrietta. Is the bolded poem a revision you are suggesting to me? I'm afraid I don't understand the meaning of the new poem.

These were my haiku. They're all I can come up with right now.

black tree, white skies.
filmed. framed.
look up! birds soar.

OR


black tree, white skies.
filmed. framed.
look up! birds fly away.

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Cally Conan-Davies:
Thanks, Lee! It's like there's a kind of membrane that needs piercing so the emotion can seep into the image. Could you give me your impression of this one, that Mary and henie got a kick out of yesterday?

blue-tongued lizard
soaks in the sun
a tube of toothpaste

Cally

Hi, Cally. Like it! It reminds me of a favorite of mine by John Stevenson:

long day
the chameleon’s
tongue

Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Cally Conan-Davies:
Also, just want to vastly agree with something Henie said earlier - about what's true for haiku is true for all poetry.

I remember saying on the other thread something about how haiku seems to be the hot-spot of all poetry.

It's the seed crystal.

Cally

Cally, "Seed crystal" is a great metaphor for haiku!

Lee