The Oldie: Competition
Tessa Castro
IN COMPETITION NO 125 you were invited to retell a fairy-story in verse. Cinderella, The Three Bears, and Little Red Riding-Hood were the most popular choices, but Jerome Betts chose The Pied Piper, in which the Lame Child con-cludes: 'What mates am I regretting? / Those bullies? Those spoilt brats? / I'll not be soon forgetting / I much preferred the rats!'
Liz Wicken gave Peter Pan a political twist, with the prospect of Starkey and Smee forging a new economic career. In Wally Smith's Aladdin, the leaky lamp started a fire resulting in a huge insur-ance claim for the burnt-out laundry. When Jack returns from the Giant's
land in Paul Griffith'ss version, the social worker reminds him that the gold he has brought back is subject to tax and warns him: 'Next time, young man, as is the norm / Fill in a Risk Assessment Form.'
Commiserations to these but a fairytale happy ending to those printed below, each of whom wins £25, with the happy-ever-after Taylor's of Harrogate tea and cake set going to Jane Dards for her, urn, charming sonnet.
Prince Ch~s Tale
I travelled through the forest long and far
and came across a cottage hidden there w
where seven little men lived. Most bizarre! -
they kept the body of a lady fair
within a coffin clearly made of glass.
They told a tale of jealousy and spite,
and how the dreadful deed had come to pass:
the lovely girl took but a single bite
of poisoned apple. Now she does not live.
How fresh she looks! Her skin as white as snow
and lips like blood. I begged the dwarfs to give
me leave to take the coffin when I go.
I'll take it home, and lovingly will park
it next to Hirst's amazing pickled shark.
JaneDards
Though I dont know what 'rampion'[ might be,
That's what the witch grew in her garden, and
My Dad, while Mumn was busy growing me,
Stole in and reaped some with a thievish hand.
In consequence, I'm stuck here in this tower
(The standard rampion grower's eclifice?),
While my hair lengthens inch by ell by hour.
To crop its years-long weight would be pure bliss.
Now comes a prince who says he's keen to climb me.
His notion of a good time isn't mine.
Do boys give other girls such headaches? Why me?
'Let down your hair!' What a lame pickup line.
A lad who woos like that, it's no surprise
When Mother Nature scratches out his eyes.
Chris O'Carroll
The Ugly Sisters dont do please
but order Cinders on her knees
to scrub, scour, polish, wash and dust
while they indulge their dreams of lust.
A summons to a Royal Ball
is seventh-heaven, nirvana - all
they could ask. Cinders, meanwhile,
gets there by Fairy God-Ma's guile
(a pumpkin, mice) conditional
on leaving before midnight's bell.
Buttons escorts her. Midnight chimes.
She drops a slipper - but how times
have changed: the Prince pursues her for
the one he wants, and will adore.
Cinders now cleans the Palace since
her Buttons moved in with the Prince.
DAPrince
Three Little Pigs
Encouraged by their mother's smiles,
Three pigs built houses in three styles.
The first, all bio, built of straw,
Earned the Tate Modem judges' awe
And won first prize. The second pig,
Spurred on to emulate and build
With natural wood, and thinking big,
Used twigs and branches, neatly filled
With seasoned woodchip, faced with sticks.
His house is famous in the schools
Of architects. The third used bricks
And mortar, shaped with modem tools -
A wondrous fortress! And the wolf?
He slinks along the pavement where
He dosses, famished, in a gulf
Of misery and dark despair
Shirley Curran
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