[Jayne Osborn]

Another good topic, I'm thinking. We sphereans know our onions! I carrot think why we've bean missing out lately! Let's beet the others and squash our rivals. OK, I'll stop now. That's quite enough corn

Jayne

Competition No. 160
By Tessa Castro

I got a book about vegetales for Christmas. It could have been worse. A poem 'Vegetables', please, on any aspect of these objects. Maximum 16 lines.

Entries to 'Competition 160' by post (The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London W1T 3EG), email (comps@theoldie.co.uk) or fax (020 7436 8804) by 8th February 2013.
Don't forget to include your postal address.

[RCL]

Mom’s Broccoli

Mom’s pasta plate would feed them all—
extended family and paesani.
Witty, she amused this mob,
and sang the Great Depression Blues
when she ran out of meaty bones
and boiling broccoli fouled the air.
As I grew up, she’d often groan
Pasta with broccoli—months on end!
At dinner once, she told her brood,
It’s all they serve in pauper’s hell.
Then holding up my school report—
a string of Ds and Es, one C—
she signaled Dad to back her up,
but he kept chewing prime filet.
Nostrils flared, she sniffed at me:
This smells of future broccoli!

Ralph

[John Whitworth]

Ralph, you appear to have inadvertently stolen something by John Ashbery. Go in and win!

[Jerome Betts]

Withdrawn for recycling.

[John Whitworth]

Nice one, Jerome. I smell a winner.

[Brian Allgar]

(Here's a bit of vegetable recycling. A longer version went down about as well as a raw potato at the LitRev.)

The Vegetable Party

Asparagus and Broccoli detested one another,
Which made young Carrot rather sad; he loved them like a brother.
Hoping to reconcile the pair, he organized a party,
Inviting vegetable friends and leafy literati.

The first one to arrive was Dill, then Endive, Fennel, Garlic,
Herb, “Iceberg” Lettuce, “Jersey” Royal, Kale, and Leek from Harlech;
Then Mushroom, Nutmeg, Onion, Parsnip, Quince, Radicchio, Swede.
The Turnips came in evening dress, a handsome pair indeed.

The house was full to bursting point, no room for any more;
Though guests continued to arrive, they couldn’t pass the door.
The U- to Y-’s were turned away, resentful and upset,
But sly Zucchini crashed the gate by posing as Courgette.

The party was a great success, the happy throng enraptured -
Until a giant hand appeared, and all of them were captured.
They lay upon the chopping board, a fearful, tearful group,
About to meet their destiny as vegetable soup.

[Brian Allgar]

Very nice, Jerome. "Plato's/potatoes" is particularly succulent.

[John Whitworth]

What was the Lit Rev competition, Brian? I might have something on that.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

What was the Lit Rev competition, Brian? I might have something on that.

Probably not, John - it was the 'nonsense verse'.

[RCL]

Thanks, John! Definitely inadvertent. In fact, the most biographical of my poems.

Ralph