[Michael Cantor]

There's nothing wrong with the poem, Susan, but I don't think it goes far enough in stretching the language. It's a "safe" spring poem, and it's a good poem because you're a good poet, but it doesn't get beyond pretty-pretty.

This may be my personal shtick, but I feel triolets (and villanelles) work best when the ending has a twist to it, a little wink or nudge that adds - or hints at - another dimension. Ideally, you don't change a thing in the final two lines, but L6 sets up the twist. More often, you cheat - a change in punctuation or, if you're desperate - a word or two. As I stated, this is my personal feeling - I don't know if the World Council of Triolets (the Geneva one - not the one Trump started) would agree.

[Susan McLean]

Rick, I meant to imply that daffodils are an in-your-face kind of flower. They always make me sneeze.

Hilary, yes, the language is more ornate than I usually use, because of the theme of being over-the-top. I will note your reservations about "smart." I mean the word to startle but not baffle the reader. A scent can smart in more ways than one, so I wanted to leave the connotations open.

David, I am glad to hear that you could make sense of "smart."

Michael, I prefer triolets that end with a twist, too. However, sometimes the repetition of the initial lines, even without a twist, can allow an image to sink in further, so I am okay with that kind of triolet.

Susan

[Jim Moonan]

.
It could be just me and the mood I'm in, or maybe the nagging sound of form's repetitive nature, or the words "candelabra" and "bumptious" which don't invoke spring to my ear, but this feels stiff and unspring-like (I guess that's where the title comes in?). It doesn't feel like it sprung from inspiration, but rather from the challenge of writing a spring poem in triolet form.

As Michael says, there's no "twist" or "wink".

.

[Hilary Biehl]

Originally Posted by Susan McLean

I will note your reservations about "smart."

It's growing on me, for what that's worth.

[Julie Steiner]

An "empty" heart makes me think of the one my daughter donated to UCLA after her transplant. (Could be just me....)

The candelabra/opera rhyme is great fun.

I wonder if the two "and"s in these lines (one unstressed, one promoted) might be tinkered with:

with bumptious daffodils and scents that smart,
birdsong as fervid and intense as opera.

—> Something like:

with bumptious daffodils, sharp scents that smart,
birdsong fervid, shrill, intense as opera.

That would be an awful lot of adjectives, but hey, it's Baroque and over-ornamented, right?

Cheers,
Julie