|
Notices |
It's been a while, Unregistered -- Welcome back to Eratosphere! |
|

11-28-2004, 07:50 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Houston, TX, USA
Posts: 7,827
|
|
<table background="http://www.fischerpassmoredesign.com/images/marble.jpeg" width=750 border=0 cellpadding=25>
<tr><td>
[center]<table background="http://www.fischerpassmoredesign.com/images/tinceiling.jpeg" cellpadding=25 border=3 bordercolor=black>
<tr><td>[center]<table bgcolor=white width=500 cellpadding=40 border=3 bordercolor=black>
<tr><td>Serenading the Neighbors
Little Albert has a way
of driving all the neighbors mad,
a trait, his mother likes to say,
that he borrowed from his Dad.
Let the moon rise late or early
Albert's little voice will trill
as he plays his ukulele
underneath the window sill.
When Dad gets up to sing along
their voices piercing through the air,
the neighbors know there's something wrong
and fall down on their knees in prayer.
Mother says they’re being spiteful
barely holding back her tears,
and thinks Dad’s voice is quite delightful
for someone who's been dead for years.
</td></tr>
</table>
</td></tr>
</table>
</td></tr>
<tr><td><table background="http://www.fischerpassmoredesign.com/images/frost3.jpeg" cellpadding=25 border=3 border>
<tr><td>
[center]<table bgcolor=white cellpadding=25 border=0><tr><td>
What a hilarious little ghost story! Every detail--the moon, the outdoor singing by night, the location of the singer, the reaction of those neighbors--acquires new unsuspected significance with the last line. And is "Little Albert" also among the departed? We're not told, but I want to think so! And how perfect that the music is being performed on a ukulele, and that Mother still appreciates Dad's singing: flawless, the whole thing.
~Rhina
</td></tr>
</table>
</td></tr>
</table>
</td></tr>
</table>
|

11-28-2004, 08:55 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 16,744
|
|
Gosh, I wonder who wrote this one?
The final tweaks have been applied since this was posted, and I agree it now is perfect.
|

11-28-2004, 12:49 PM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Queensland, (was Sydney) Australia
Posts: 15,574
|
|
Yes Roger, I'm really racking my brains.
There's a poet cartoonist in Australia, Michael Leunig, who is the only other human who could have thought of this one.
I agree with Rhina.
Janet
|

12-01-2004, 07:13 AM
|
 |
Distinguished Guest
|
|
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Belmont, Massachusetts USA
Posts: 2,976
|
|
Gosh, who could it possibly be?
Does Stephen King write light verse?
So funny, it's scary. (Or is it the other way around?)
|

12-02-2004, 04:06 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: San Jose, California, USA
Posts: 3,257
|
|
I guessed from the title even before I read the poem. There are certain titles that have just the right ring to them.
This is one of the funniest ones I've read by this poet yet.
|

12-02-2004, 11:13 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Western Colorado
Posts: 2,176
|
|
Ja, Albert is a sugar pie. I especially like how the last line sounds almost like a parenthetical statement.
Dear Anonymous Poet,
Just one nit: I believe 'windowsill' is one word.
; )
wendy
|

12-02-2004, 11:51 AM
|
Distinguished Guest Host
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Stoke Poges, Bucks, UK
Posts: 5,081
|
|
Yes, clever and funny, with real depth.
Surely this poet would have spelt it 'neighbours'?
|

12-05-2004, 05:28 PM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Beirut, Lebanon
Posts: 248
|
|
Very pleasing.
Although "piercing" usually does so by going "through" something and the redundancy here is not particularly acceptable.
As well:
When Dad gets up to sing along
their voices piercing through the air,
the neighbors know there's something wrong
and fall down on their knees in prayer.
Boy. Misplaced modifiers you say? How about misplaced everything?
This wonderful little thing deserves a fine tooth comb eh?
[This message has been edited by Maggie Porter (edited December 05, 2004).]
|

12-06-2004, 08:10 AM
|
Honorary Poet Lariat
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,008
|
|
Please specify, Maggie: what strikes you as "misplaced" here? I agree that some word other than "piercing" would be an improvement, or maybe "piercing the_____ air." There should be a comma to end the line before that one, too. But I don't know about anything "misplaced" in the rest of this stanza: help me with that, please.
|

12-06-2004, 12:48 PM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Beirut, Lebanon
Posts: 248
|
|
When Dad gets up to sing along
their voices piercing through the air,
the neighbors know there's something wrong
and fall down on their knees in prayer.
The pronoun usage in this is clumsy. Dad gets up to sing along WITH their voices...otherwise, without the idea that it should be understood (as in The Quick and The Dead in which the poet was delivered significant grief over a misplaced modifier...proper spoken colloquialism in my opinion..turned eyes toward me....) then we must hold the same standard for this poem which muddles around between, dad, the neighbors, the coupling of the boy with his dead dad all singing along under the pronoun guise of "their"...and landing on THEIR knees! Good grief.
Of course, I understand the notion and I believe the poem is so strong that this clumsiness is overlooked because the "heart" of the poem is fantastic.
|
 |
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
 |
Member Login
Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,523
Total Threads: 22,731
Total Posts: 280,151
There are 1884 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum Sponsor:
|
 |
 |
|
 |
|