[Jayne Osborn]

Revision to S3: Changes in blue

They say the camera never lies.
It F-ing does! It’s no surprise,
my passport photo’s ghastly.
That face, which I don’t recognise,
is scary; am I in disguise?
My photos vary, vastly;
I had about a dozen tries
to take one that would show my eyes
were open. Got one …lastly!

The trouble is, I look a fright;
you’d think that I’d been up all night.
My photos were rejected,
except the last one – that’s all right,
apparently. (I think it’s shite,
not one I’d have selected.)
The photo’s background must be white,
and as my blonde hair’s very light,
no wonder I’m dejected.

Also, you’re not allowed to smile.
Passport photos are always vile,
…but they have to last for years.
Why can't the rules be versatile?
“They” would say, Don't be juvenile.
My words would fall on deaf ears –
yet we could all protest! Meanwhile,
let photos demonstrate our style,
which would bring on grins – not tears!

Original:

They say the camera never lies.
It F-ing does! It’s no surprise,
my passport photo’s ghastly.
That face, which I don’t recognise,
is scary; am I in disguise?
My photos vary, vastly;
I had about a dozen tries
to take one that would show my eyes
were open. Got one …lastly!

The trouble is, I look a fright;
you’d think that I’d been up all night.
My photos were rejected,
except the last one – that’s all right,
apparently. (I think it’s shite,
not one I’d have selected.)
The photo’s background must be white,
and as my blonde hair’s very light,
no wonder I’m dejected.

Also, you’re not allowed to smile.
Passport photos are always vile,
…but they have to last for years!
Why must the rules be so hostile?
“They” would say, Oh, she’s too fragile.
My thoughts would fall on deaf ears.
But must these musings be futile?
Let’s allow photos with some style
that would bring on grins – not tears!