As I like things looser than many of the denisons of these boards I thought I'd try to start a discussion on the effect/failure of a looser meter and slant rhyming. Rather than being disembodied here is a poem I admire to base any discussion around.
North-West Carol Ann Duffy
However it is we return to the water's edge
where the ferry grieves down by the Pier Head,
we do what we always did and get on board.
The city drifts out of reach. A huge silvery bird,
a kiss on the lip of the wind, follows our ship.
This is where we were young, the place no map
or heritage guide can reveal. Only an X on a wave
marks the spot, the flowers of litter a grave
for our ruined loves, unborn children, ghosts.
We look back at the skyline, wondering what we lost
in the hidden streets, in the rented rooms,
no more than punters now in a tourist boom.
Above our heads the gulls cry yeah yeah yeah.
Frets of light on the river. Tearful air.
Whether you call it a sonnet or not its basically pentameter
HowEv/er it IS/ we reTURN/ to the WAT/ er's EDGE/
except for L6, and L11 which read most naturally as 4 beats for me. The rhymes are also very rough in spots, especially not caring about plurals.
None of this bothers me and I find it an smooth read and though bordering on the sentimental staying the right side of that line. In fact the rougher meters/rhyme help keep it from being too sentimental.
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