[John Whitworth]

The Gilbert/Shakespeare Competition was a triumph for Bill Greenwell who wins the extra fiver. I won money too. Frank Osen was nearly there, should have been there in my opinion. Good for us! Full text below.

The new competition looks like a goodie. What view of us would our toilet/lavatory/comfort station have? For instance.

No. 2644: Talking pictures
If your television could speak, what would it say about you? You are invited to submit the views of an inanimate object, in verse, on its owner/s (16 lines maximum). Please email entries, where possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 21 April.

Incidentally, I think I know why the prizes are sometimes £25 and sometimes £30. Lucy will have a fixed sum of money - I think £155 each week. When there are only four winners (because they take up a lot of space) then we get a fiver more each than when there are six winners. So in a normal week Frank would Probably have won. Grind those teeth, Frank. I have your money.