[Martin Parker]

The Use Of Biscuits

It’s possible that biscuits hold the answers
To all the problems Man will ever see.
But their packaging is such that extracting them’s too much
For the average Homo Sap. like you and me.

Thus, a Custard Cream might fend off global warming
And a Hobnob might prevent a World War Three.
But they’re so hard to get into that I really can’t begin to
Judge what each biscuit's talent might just be .

A Garribaldi might supply cheap fuel
Or save you from a mauling by a bear
Or become a brilliant dancer or provide us with an answer
To the Rubik’s Cube, the 'flu or Ryannair.

But the talents of all biscuits are uncertain,
Though rumours say they’re good to dunk in tea.
But, as long as they say, “Tear” and the lift-up flap’s not there,
A biscuit’s full potential’s hard to see.