[Max Goodman]

How do I lose thee? Let me count the ways
I have endeavored, each one come to naught.
I've let thou sit home lonely and have bought
Thou mops in place of chocolates and bouquets.
I've cursed and railed and rated, screamed and fought
And uttered not a single honest phrase
But when of thy appearance thou sought praise.
I spent an evening making sure thou caught
Me with that gentlewoman whom I brought
To thy apartments in her drawers and stays.
Then, all else failing, anxious and distraught,
Thy steadfast love inspiring deep malaise,
I set thy best apparel all ablaze.
Thou'ldst take the hint by now, I would have thought.