[John Whitworth]

Competition: Double dactyl

LUCY VICKERY
SATURDAY, 10TH MARCH 2012

In Competition No. 2737 you were invited to submit a double dactyl.
This popular and, judging by the size of the entry, extraordinarily compulsive poetic parlour game was invented in the Sixties by the celebrated poets Anthony Hecht and John Hollander and is described in the blurb of Jiggery-Pokery, their magnificent compendium of the form, as a ‘devilish amalgam of rhyme, meter, name-dropping and pure nonsense’.
The challenge generated a quirky parade of double-dactylic notables. I especially liked Bill Greenwell’s double dactyl as it might have been written by that mangler of meter William McGonagall; commendations, too, to Mike Morrison, Luci Thomas, Christopher Greening, Roger Munson, Alannah Blake and Penelope Mackie.
The winners, printed below, are rewarded with £15 each.

Dimity-dashity
Emily Dickinson
Danced around Death like the
Flame round a wick.

Though she is known for her
Eremiticity
She had a sharpness that
Cut to the quick.
W.J. Webster

Beggarbucks megabucks
Chancellor Angela
Tells the Athenians
‘Tighten your belts,

‘Cherish das kapital
Supplementational,
Practise austerity
Dringlich — or else!’
Ray Kelley

Poshily-pishily,
Catherine Middleton,
Duchess of Cambridge, is
Urban well-bred.

Pity she isn’t so
Nonagricultural:
Could have been Duchess of
Ambridge instead.
Bill Greenwell

Happily-slappily
Helena Rubinstein
Marketed creams with a
Lanolin base.

Millions of women paid
Superabundantly
Just to smear scented sheep’s
Grease on their face.
Basil Ransome-Davies

Airily-fairily
Benedict Cumberbatch
Played Sherlock Holmes in a
Postmodern vein.

Conan Doyle rip-offs done
Anachronistically
Give me no pleasure, just
Do in my brain.
G.M Davis

Gallic’ly-phallic’ly
Madame de Maintenon
mistress of Louis, the
Sun King of France

Said to her paramour,
Immédiatement!
Embrassez-moi while vous
avez the chance.
Martin Parker

Critchety crotchety
Ludwig van Beethoven,
Deaf as a post but he
Didn’t succumb;

Startled the world with his
Musicological
Symphonic novelty —
Da-da-da Dum!
Gerard Benson

Bellyful-tellyful,
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
Dines in a realm beyond
Chop and two veg,

Craves novel challenges
Gastrointestinal —
Roadkill, placenta, and
Bits of the hedge.
Chris O’Carroll

Harryspex Pottifex
Headmaster Dumbledore
Challenges evil with
Magical might.

Harrying enemies,
Paronomastical
Albus is someone who’s
Whiter than white.
Frank McDonald

Ginicus-tonicus,
Titus Andronicus
Ate his own progeny
Baked in a pie.

Cursing the chef, he was
Uncomplimentary:
‘Far too much salt, and the
Pastry was dry.’
Brian Allgar