[John Whitworth]

The Poetry Police

I saw somewhere, was it here, that the police came round to the house of a poet and threatened him with all sorts of unpleasantness is he did not stop writing poetry, specifically verses of a critical nature about the directors of the local football team. I imagine Sphereans might feel rather proud of this man. Perhaps someone might be encouraged to write something else, possibly more succint on the subject


So I'm sitting in my arbour penning verses, as you do,
When I hear a knock-knock-knocking at my door.
Well I'm thinking it's the Sally-Ann and wonder where my purse is
And I stagger to the doorstep mouthing harmless litle curses
And the knocking's more insistent than before,
So I open up the door and it's the law, it's the law,
Yes I open up the door and it's the law.

'Are you the noted rhymester who resides at this address?
Are you the famous fashioner of stanza?'
'Sturdy constable I own the soft impeachment. I confess
I have written certain lyrcs. I'm a poet, more or less.
Are you organizing some extravaganza,
Some literary festival bonanza, big bonanza?
I just love a good poetical bonanza.'

But the features of the constable contract into a frown here
And it seems as if it's off he's really pissed. 'Sir,
I regret I must inform you certain parties in this town here
Have complained about your poems and I've got it written down here.
The authorities desire that you desist, sir'
In point of fact, they really must insist, sir, must insist, sir.
No more poetry or else...
You get the gist, sir?'