[John Whitworth]

I get one or two of these. I'd never do it myself, in spite of he fact that my daughters are both beautiful high-achievers and my own poetic career lurches from strength to strength as you all know, but, hell, it can even be of interest, more so than another bloody Rudolph and? or fat Santa. Still, I am sure you will be adroit and amusing. To it, people.

Radio 4’s Today programme recently broadcast six cleverly cutting imaginary responses by the writer Lynne Truss to that annual exercise in self-aggrandisement, the Christmas round-robin letter. The object of the exercise was to deter the sender from ever sending another. You are invited to devise your own riposte (150 words maximum), guaranteed to take the wind out of the sails of even the most committed round-robiner. Please email entries, wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 16 January.