Great title, Douglas. 'Emollient ointment' will rhyme with 'Royal appointment'. Just saying.
The Martian poet and publicist, Craig Raine, who masterminded my 'Faber Book of Blue Verse' attempted to win this competition thirty years to soon by penning a ditty called 'Arsehole'. I believe he got the idea from Rimbaud. French scholars among you will know. I don't think it rhymes or anything.
'Snot' anyone? Something polysyllabic that rolls off the tongue, as it were.
John Keats wrote a poem called 'Snot', 'n'
Most think it far better forgotten.
Though certain old fogeys
Assert Shelley's 'Bogeys'
Is quite transcendentally rotten.
If you wish to excel at bad verse,
Eschewing what's witty or terse is
Is most certainly vital,
But sometimes a title
Can make things immeasurably worse.
Good examples are, 'Stroking your Scrotum
While Spinning Round Like a Teetotum',
And 'An Epic on Farts
In Twenty-six Parts'.
Well, I ought to know since I wrote 'em.
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