[Chris O'Carroll]

No 4272
Set by Tricia Parrott
Essex Police commented after the Vicky Pryce conviction: “We hope this conviction serves as a timely reminder to motorists.” We asked compers to send in other examples of bathos.

This week’s winners
£30 each to the three winners, with the Tesco vouchers going, in addition, to Peter Goulding.

From divine to ridiculous
Jesus Christ incontrovertibly demonstrated today his divinity before a multitude of 5,000 followers in the wilderness outside Bethsaida with an astounding miracle. When told that his audience had nothing to eat but five small loaves and two fishes belonging to an audience member, Jesus miraculously transformed these ingredients into a repast sufficient to sate the appetite of the entire company with bread and fish to spare. A spokesman for the event organisers said: “Jesus’s actions averted a humanitarian crisis but we would like to ask attendees of future sermons to bring a packed lunch.”
Adrian Fry

Great Khan’s unhelpful attack
Reports are coming in of a large-scale attack by Mongols on the central Asian empire of Khwarezm. Genghis Khan – the self-styled Great Khan – is believed to have orchestrated the assault, which began on Tuesday at 9.30pm British time. Eye witnesses at the scene have said millions of men, women and children have been burned or beheaded and that a steady stream of refugees is currently heading towards Jerusalem brandishing scimitars. Further allegations allege that cities have been razed and rivers diverted to obliterate every last trace of the once powerful empire.
No Britons have been reported among the casualties. The Foreign Office called the attack “unhelpful” and said it was monitoring the situation.
Peter Goulding

Typical of foreign builders!
The building of the Berlin Wall in the early 1960s was a desperate measure to halt the outward flow of population, especially skilled professionals, from East Germany. It was a grim, ugly barrier that divided a city, bristling with razor wire and patrolled by armed guards and attack dogs. Its all too visible existence made good Cold War propaganda for the west, a symbol of unfreedom that could be used to arouse humanitarian feeling against the Soviet Union and its satellites.
Consequently, when its infamous history was brought to an end at the end of 1989 by popular demolition, rejoicing was near-universal. Bits of the rubble were kept as souvenirs, mailed to friends abroad.
But not everyone celebrated. As a spokesman for the National Bricklayers Association commented: “Didn’t take much, did it? Mind you, it was jerry-built in the first place.”
G M Davis