I enjoyed this one, and I'm glad to see it was selected. The subject matter certainly skirts the line of going over the top (some very gothic-style images that do not appeal to everyone), but I think the poet pulls it off. I agree with someone (Roger, I think) who thought the last line was a bit of a let down. But I think the rest of it is strong enough to carry it.
Oh, points where I think it might even bubble slightly over the top: "mortal bane," "queen was slain," and "waste be drink." The archaic feel is supported by the subject, though.
It's interesting to compare this one with "Requited Love." Both seem to use some of the same rhetorical techniques (repetition of keys words and phrases, along with a sort of list-poem feel) - bit of the same formula. However, if I had to choose between the two, I would probably go with "Requited Love" as #1 right now. In this poem, I am a bit disappointed in the almost exact repetition and use of the same rhyme word in the sestet, but I think it works with the overall mood of the poem. Also, I'm not really sure there is a volta here, for those who scream for the volta. Maybe I'm missing something, though.
As for the epigraph, it almost made me stop reading. Too much wall-of-text feel, and not really necessary.
Wow, the comments and views have really tapered off. . .are people just getting tired?
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