[John Whitworth]

Oh I don't know. I really don't.

Our next competition: literary merger

This year saw the largest-ever merger between two publishing houses when Penguin and Random House joined forces in an attempt to compete with the might of Amazon. You are invited to effect a literary merger of a different kind by blending two existing well-known books and providing a synopsis of the new title. Please email entries, of up to 150 words, wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 2 October.