[Jim Hayes]

Thanks Michael, Martin


Young Lochinvar
after Walter Scottt

O young Lochinvar is come out of the west
in old jockey shorts and a warm woolly vest.
(He thought to wear now’t but his mother knew best)

He rode all alone to find him a bride
with a flower that he pinned to his hair with a slide.
((He was keeping in touch with his feminine side)

Up to the cabin he rode at full tilt,
with a whopping scean dhu he held hard by the hilt.
(A dirk that was barely concealed by his kilt)

There, inside the door he saw his bete noir,
Fungus McGrump wi’ a massive claymore.
(A dastard in love and a blackguard in war)

And who should he spot but Bonnie Wee Neel,
and her aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters as weel.
(She was goin’ to wed Fungus)—“No’ likely, by Heel”

Swore young Lochinvar in impeccable Lallans,
as he grabbed Bonnie Neel from the hands of her valiants
(They’d had a few drams and were slightly off balance)

They stay’d not for brake, and they stopp’d not for stone,
they swam the Eske river where ford there was none.
(When Bonnie Wee Neel got wet through to the bone)

There was mounting ‘mong rakes of the Netherboy clan,
Farquhars,* Fartquhars, McGrovels, they rode and they ran.
(Tho’ Fungus McGrump took his loss like a man)

They still race unchaste on Cannobie Lee
and brides are still lost, and some carelessly.
(But none were as lost as the baul’ Bonnie Wee)

*Farquhar is an old Scottish name pronounced ‘Farker’ while Fartquehar is an unknown sept the pronunciation of which is best left to the readers imagination tho’ bearing in mind the guide provided.

Good to hear from you Bob