[Jim Moonan]

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Revision #2


Untitled Love

“Keep going, keep going”
is what she said to me
as I faltered with the words.
I hadn’t practiced the song
hard enough;
hadn’t memorized it
like I should have;
was unsure
if it was even finished yet.

But that day I took a chance
as we sat on the edge of the bed
and I began:
As I come up to the top of my life...
but stumbled over syllables,
fumbled the chords,
waylaid by my own voice.
caught in the light of my confession,
overwhelmed by it's flood-lit space of grace.

"Keep going" she said again and smiled.
I didn’t know she wasn’t listening
to the words, but to my trembling voice; felt
the throbbing of my quavering soul's love song.



EDITS

Title was "Unfinished"

S2L4: was "You are everywhere I go." Changed to "As I come up to the top of my life..." which is the actual first line of the song.

S2L7-8 were:
self-conscious,
overwhelmed

S3 was
Keep going is all she said.
I didn’t know she wasn’t listening
to the words, but only to my trembling
voice, my quavering soul's song.


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ORIGINAL
Untitled

Keep going, keep going…
is what she said to me
when my lips faltered as I sang
the third verse of a love song
I’d written for her. I didn’t know
she wasn’t listening to the words
but only felt the quiver in them
and how articulate the trembling voice
spoke for the inarticulacy of the heart.




Edits
L2: was "that's what she said"
L3: "lips" was "words" was "confidence"
L4: added "love"
L8: "articulate" was "articulately"
L9: "spoke" was "speaks"
Title was "Untitled Love"



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