[Julie Steiner]

Salvador Rueda (Spain, 1857-1933)


DRAFT TWO

The Kanephoroi (The Basket-Bearers of the Acropolis)

The official puts his solemn stride on hold
where lovely kanephoroi now process,
and sees how face paint’s scarlet roses stress
their modesty, with blushes drawn more bold.

The tremulous effect of fold on fold
gives svelteness to their stately virgin-dress,
and borne within their hands’ exquisiteness
are trays of sumptuously sculpted gold.

Atop the metal’s brilliant gleam they bring
the sacrificial knife they’re offering
the official, in their white-clad innocence.

They give to him as well the wheat that shines
within their golden baskets’ shimmering lines
like hailstones blond with sun-gilt radiance.


DRAFT ONE (with brown tweaks, plus a blue tweak)

The Kanephoroi (The Basket-Bearers of the Acropolis)

The official puts his solemn stride on hold
where lovely kanephoroi now process,
and sees how face paint’s scarlet roses stress
their modesty, with blushes drawn more bold.

The tremulous effect of fold on fold
gives svelteness to their stately virgin-dress,
and borne within their hands’ exquisiteness
are trays of sumptuously sculpted gold.

Atop the metal’s brilliant gleam they bring
the sacrificial knife they’re offering
the official, in their white-clad innocence.

And they present him, too, with wheat, which shines
within the golden baskets’ shimmering lines
like hailstones, blond in sun-gilt radiance.


TWEAKS

L1: stride >> strides >> stride
L3: and sees how face-paint’s scarlet roses stress >> and notes how face paint’s scarlet roses stress >> and sees how face paint’s scarlet roses stress
L6: chicness >> svelteness
L12: And they present him, too, the wheat that shines >> And they present him, too, the wheat that shines >> And they present him, too, with wheat, which shines
L13: within >> inside >> within
L14: like sun-gilt hailstones’ blond impermanence. >> with sun-gilt hailstones’ briefly blond pretense >> with sun-illumined hailstones’ blond pretense. >> like hailstones, blond in sun-gilt radiance.


SPANISH ORIGINAL
LITERAL ENGLISH PROSE CRIB

Las canéforas
The Kanephoroi (The Basket-Bearers)

Deteniendo severo magistrado
su pie ante las canéforas preciosas,
mira en sus caras de purpúreas rosas
el pudor por carmines dibujado.

The solemn magistrate, coming to a standstill (literally, “stopping
his foot”) before the beautiful kanephoroi,
sees upon their faces of reddish-purple roses
the modesty drawn by lipsticks.

El temblador ropaje replegado
les da esbeltez de vírgenes graciosas
y llevan en las manos primorosas
ricas bandejas de oro cincelado.

The tremulous pleated costume
gives them the svelteness of elegant/refined virgins
and they bear in their exquisite hands
sumptuous trays (made) of engraved gold.

Sobre el metal que espejeando brilla,
del sacrificio llevan la cuchilla
que al magistrado, cándidas, ofrecen.

Atop the metal that shines, gleaming,
they bear the knife of the sacrifice
that to the magistrate they, naïve/snow-white, are offering.

Y le brindan también trigo flamante,
que en las caneas de oro rutilante
rubios granizos con el Sol parecen.

And they also dedicate to him splendid/shining wheat,
which in the baskets of glittering gold
resemble blond hailstones in the Sun.