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Unread 02-27-2025, 05:52 PM
Jayne Osborn's Avatar
Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Alex,
My reading was similar to Glenn's - the N working up a sweat on one of the machines at a gym, but I just don't see how either "gaslight" or "lamplit" (and now the revised "lights flickering dim through haze") comes into the scenario, other than for the sake of the "haze/craze/praise/ablaze" rhymes.

The lighting - of whatever kind - seems irrelevant, when other factors are much more in evidence when one is working out.

There are many -aze rhymes; I think the poem would benefit from a different L2.

Jayne
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