[Julie Steiner]

Alessio,

I needn’t say the rousing time,
And how the men had carolled!

Then don't.

I suggest cutting S1. It's unnecessary for understanding what happened, and the wrenched rhyme will make some readers trip on the threshold on their way into the poem.

Some of the later stanzas could also be cut. Brevity would make the whole poem more effective.

I also suggest not fixing the unorthodox grammar. The narrator doesn't seem like the sort of person who would be fussy about the proper cases of pronouns, etc.

Cheers,
Julie