Quote:
Originally posted by Chiago Mapocho:
native grasses
bending slow
an old woman
Henriette, I like that one a lot except for "slow". I know you want it to do double duty to the old woman and the grass. Perhaps, which would also add the element of wind:
native grasses
bending west
and old woman
That actually does a tripple duty. 
PS, Seree: found yours very good as well. The technique reminds me of Yugen with the last line, and Wabi with the overall mood. I too, though, wondered about "charged". IMO, you're one word away from exquisite.
Two inspired ones while I still have the chanse:
ash wedensday
moonspear on sunflowers'
testudoed heads
dawn to nepal evening
milk bottles
filled with yak shadow
(or:
first december
a nepal moon
under a cow's udder
/
sunset
nepal sun drinking
under a cow's udder)
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Just one response to
native grasses
bending west
and old woman
this is by Al Pizzarelli from The Haiku Anthology, ed. Cor van den Heuvel:
the fat lady
bends over the tomatoes
a full moon
Forgive me! I couldn't resist!
Lee
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