[Janice D. Soderling]

Bob, please put me down for a copy of the first printing of your book. May I suggest a title (always the hardest part)? How about "Bad Verse Gets Worse".

I hope you will write a Foreword about how we all discouraged you and said you couldn't do it, but you persisted and the reader is holding the proof in his and her hands and no one should ever give up.

I always dutifully read the Forewords and Prefaces and Introductions, and Afterwords and Index of First Lines and when they are heroically worded like yours will be, it brings tears to my eyes and hope to my thumping heart.

I am devoted to Lewis Carroll and Ogden Nash and I think your flimsy little offerings are very like a whale. Honest I do.

[Terese Coe]

Originally Posted by Roger Slater

MY BACK PAGES

I always thought, when I was young,
that age was just a song that's sung,
a ship that's sailed, a door that's closed,
a cat-less bag, a verse that's prosed,
a denoument, a curtain drawn,
a sad farewell before we're gone,
disgruntled, angry, scared and bitter.
But now that I'm old, I'll reconsider.

Oh great, so now you're dissing the elderly! Well, you're writing worse verse, true, but the final line redeems the verse and puts you right smack in the doghouse instead! You whippersnapper!

Signed,

Cantor, Whitworth, Gwynn, a few ladies who don't want their names mentioned, and me

Humph!

[Roger Slater]

What are you talking about? I met Cantor. He's what? 27? Maybe 32, tops?

[Chris Childers]

Ogden Nash is apropos. Didn't he say that he had a choice between being a bad Good Poet or a good Bad Poet and chose the latter? What Bob is showing us in this thread is a bunch of top-notch Bad Poetry. Excellent bad stuff. & yes, I would read a book of it.

Chris

[Janet Kenny]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

It's a bit late in this thread tobe bringing up a question about what bad really means, but nevertheless I do. Are we talking about McGonagall here, incompetence raised to the nth degree, the sort of thing I come across often enough among my students, scansion awry etc etc, or are we talking about Richard Crashaw, where a considerable degree of skill is involved in producing something truly dire, as in the famous couplet about crying eyes:

Two walking baths, two weeping motions,
Portable and compendious oceans

It taakes a whole history of art to produce the latter. I must say I have always thought Pound's Hugh Selwyn Mauberley to be a winning example of Crashaw-ism, but I know some people like it, just as some people like the paintings of Jackson Pollock. There's nowt so queer as folk. Sam seems to me to be producing mock McGonagalls with considerable art. Here's something of mine constructed by cutting up an advertisement. Is it bad? I hope so but it took quite a lot of trouble.

Poetry Dot Com

Dear John,
I am excited to inform you
That, in addition to your selection for inclusion
In a hardbound anthology, you have also been chosen
As one of 33 poets whose artistry will be recorded
Professionally as a special part of a new collection,
The Sound of Poetry.

I am writing to get your permission
To include your poem ‘My Cat and the Moon’
In this highly acclaimed and internationally distributed
Three-album collection scheduled to be released
SOON!

John, our editors have personally selected
This group of poems whose expressive quality
Would best exemplify the art of poetry
Through the spoken word.

The fact that your poem is among them is a testament
To the diversity of your poetic talent.
We feel your poem can be appreciated
Not only in print, but can also be enjoyed
By people listening to it presented aloud
By a professional reader.

Just imagine, John, how your friends and family
Will feel when they hear your name… your words…
Presented as part of this exclusive collection.
This album will instantly become a treasured keepsake
To all who hear and enjoy it.

The Sound of Poetry will become a major addition
To the body of poetic recordings that are available
Through retail and online book and music sellers
Today.

And, as with all our projects, although
You are under no obligation to make a purchase
Of any kind, if you wish to own a copy
Of this three-album set, it is available
Directly from us at A REDUCED PRICE
NOT AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC and, as always,
Your satisfaction is assured with an unconditional
Money-back guarantee.

* * * * * * *

Dear Poetry Dot Com,
Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes I wish to own The Sound of Poetry Collection
(Featuring the poetic artistry of John Whitworth)
At the special pre-release discount price
Of just $59!!!

Yes I wish to own The Sound of Poetry De-luxe Hardbound Edition
(Featuring the poetic artistry of John Whitworth)
At the special pre-publication discount price
Of just $49!!!

Yes I wish to own The Sound of Poetry walnut-finished plaque
(Featuring the poetic artistry of John Whitworth)
At the special published poet’s price
Of just $38!!!

I enclose my cheque for $146.

I here confess that when I was very young and knew noooooooothing about anything I had a poem published by this bunch. I think that's why they won't buy my pseudonym. They kept bombarding me with commands, rather than invitations, to appear to be presented with my own silver holy grail from the hands of a film star and be crowned before rapturous masses. I got these irritating emails for over a year before they gave up on me.

I have been acknowledged by another repulsive bunch but as yet no glittering prize or fame has been offered.

[Terese Coe]

Originally Posted by Roger Slater

What are you talking about? I met Cantor. He's what? 27? Maybe 32, tops?

Nice save.

[John Whitworth]

Janet, and you didn't go? Think about the film star. It might have been Tom Cruise. Or even better, it might not. I once received a cheque from the fair hands of J.K. Rowling herself. She's very short. The cheque was very small.

[John Whitworth]

Here I am, answering myself. And here is a poem by me which is worse than anything on this thread. It must be by me because it is on the poetry.com site and my name is on the bottom. Must have written it in my sleep. Someone must have written it is their sleep.Come on Sam. It was you. I herby repudiate copyright. Anyone can have it. Of course there could be another John Whitworth poet. In which case alter JW YOU MUST DIE!!!

Untitled

As my life as moved
Like fingers through clear blue crystal water,
I have come to know people
Who ripple the stream that is me
Bright, Beautiful, and Breathtaking
Who stand at a road of opportunity

I can't look at her
Not without seeing images that
Would sadden me in some way
I can't see her
I can't taste the ruby prism lips
Or press my lips lightly against her
Kissing every square inch of that face
without knowing the bitter truths (for now)
And tasting them like ill medicine.

John Whitworth
Copyright ©2009 John Whitworth

[Janice D. Soderling]

It is wise of you to append the copyright sign, John. Good bad poets often neglect to do so, though most bad poets always remember. Is that what I meant to say? I'm not sure. But hopefully you will sort it out.

BTW. Is Cantor real? I thought that he was a myth used to frighten bad little poets with.

[Janet Kenny]

Michael Cantor is a bad good poet of indeterminate age.