[FOsen]

I like Michael's suggestion because it takes the observations back to the present - lose the girl in France, I say. I agree this is very well done, neatly taking us somewhere to show that the n is going nowhere - on a treadmill. I give it higher marks for execution than conceit, I think.

Frank

[Mary Meriam]

This is my favorite so far. Except when I read "a girl in France," I had the same sinking feeling as some others here. I definitely do not like Kate's suggestion - surely there are four better syllables? The "chance" rhyme is a tricky one, but come on: dance, circumstance, glance.... maybe do something as OTT as "played, delayed or swept away."

that ball I dropped, that sad last dance in France...

My favorite lines:

to reach the seconds of a second chance
at something played, delayed or swept away:

[David Rosenthal]

I like this more than I though I would while I was reading it. I like the internal sonics carried off through otherwise fairly plain language. Certain details elevate the setting past cliche -- "determined mothers," "schedules" as one of the obstacles people face, the unpredictable selection of "Gordon Lightfoot" in the iPod. Meanwhile, L12 is a perfect example of the effective use of cliche. And the final line is perfect -- it all leads there.

My one nit, which I find much more distracting than I care to admit, is the comma after L8.

David R.

[Rose Kelleher]

Yeah, I was harder on this than I should have been. It's really very well done, good word choices as Janice pointed out, and the title is excellent. Something about it just turned me off, the first time around - I blame the girl in France.

[Susan McLean]

I agree with the others who think "replace the past" sounds wrong. I could see "revise, rework, replay, reboot" as possibilities. There is a slice-of-life quality to this, and I enjoy its wordplay, wistfulness, and hint of self-satire, but in some ways it does seem to be running in place.

Susan

[Robin-Kemp]

I'm delighted by both "churns" and the internal rhyme.

[Deborah Warren]

What a wow of a sonnet! From 'accelerate through yesterday. . . getting nowhere fast'--the whole thing is a tour de force on the throes of unprofitable hindsight.

[A. E. Stallings]

I don't have much to add to the excellent crits here--this is well-executed, but could be tweaked to even stronger effect. The penultimate line is rather a weak link ("attempting to replace", as has been pointed out, is rather pallid) and undermines the end, which should arrive with more speed. I like the unusual but strangely apt "churn"!

Edited in to say: I also like the very specific "Gordon Lightfoot" reference, with its own nod to the past, and wonder if more could be done with that--a snatch of song-lyric maybe instead of a girl in France?

[Janet Kenny]

I'm a little bit puzzled as to why so many find the "girl in France" is weak. The Gordon Lightfoot generation had a big romance with France and I think it intensifies the period feeling as much as Gordon Lightfoot does. Postwar adventures in France were major experiences for that generation.
Just because I wondered.

[Catherine Chandler]

I didn't find anything wrong with the "girl in France" reference. In fact, N can't mention anything more specific, because he probably doesn't even remember her name! Janet has described the spirit perfectly.